Live From Room 1005 (Updated)

*Sigh*

I thought after my last hospital episode I was done with the whole hospital scene...

Okay, that's not completely true, and I didn't tell you guys the whole story.

See, I went into Cook County for shortness of breath...came out with an infection...and (dare I say it) pregnant.

Yes, yes, you read right. Straight up, lightheaded*morning sickness*headaches*weird cravings* excessive fatigue preggo.

I didn't intend on keeping it, but after a week passed I got attached to the little thing. It was certainly attached to me, sucking all my energy and making me sick...or so I thought.

See, you're not supposed to bleed AND have cramps while you're pregnant. One or the other is fine, but both is a bad sign. So off Jay rushed me to the hospital again, this time to Saint Mary.

After laying 5 hours with needles and ultrasounds and speculums and all other tests, I found out that I was miscarrying because it wasn't developing properly...to be completely technical, it wasn't developing at all. I didn't even know something like that could happen.

So here I am, blogging to you live from my hospital bed with an IV in one arm and a bandaid from a recent blood test on the other. My cramps are getting progressively worse today and I'm hoping the doctor comes in soon so we can alleviate this pain.

As far as emotionally...I'm holding up ok, not the best but I'm not in pieces either. Though the original plan hadn't been to keep it, I didn't expect it to happen this way. I guess it's better my body is doing it naturally, but I still wasn't quite prepared for it.

And once again, Jay stayed with me *almost* the entire time; I sent him home around 5 this morning to get some sleep and do some other errands because I felt so bad for him sitting in the chair next to my hospital bed, unable to sleep or get comfortable. It didn't help that the first time he finally agreed to leave I almost started crying (really couldn't help it; even though I didn't want him sitting in that chair I didn't want to be alone in the hospital room ), so another 30 minute disagreement ensued until I finally fell asleep and he awoke me just to say goodbye and made me go back to sleep promptly. And even when I texted him a little while ago he was still apologizing for leaving my side. But that wasn't even the kicker. The kicker was the care he took in making sure I had food when I got to my room, going home just to get entertainment for us for the night, bringing me something to change into and all my favorite foods and drinks (though after midnight I wasn't allowed to eat anything else), combing my hair when I had the IV, and snapping me back to reality when the cramps had tears streaming down my face and I was ready to break down.

I don't know how I would have made it through all of this without him.

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I had to stop my story here to impart a very important message and lesson I've learned to all my fellow bloggers out there or anyone who stumbles upon this blog: follow your intuition.

That seems like such a "common sense" thing to do, but as you know, this blog is aptly named for this reason: you'd be surprised how many people ignore their intuition and end up getting into trouble later.

I say this because when I first started bleeding, everyone but my store manager thought it was no big deal. Everyone said "don't worry, it's perfectly normal, women still go through it during their pregnancy, you're okay".

I haven't gone through it since April. You can't tell me its normal to skip two months then all of a sudden start back again...something's not right with that picture.

However, I do tend to exaggerate my symptoms (a simple headache can turn into a brain tumor if you'll let me think about it long enough) so I decided to chill out, do a little Googling, and see what happens.

Well, we see what happened.

Listen to your intuition because it knows better than anybody else. Only YOU know what you're feeling and what's going on in your body. If something doesn't feel right, question it. Get to the bottom of it, and then you can move on. Don't let everyone else try to quell what your body is trying to tell you.

We're given intuition for a reason. All we've got to do is listen to it.

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New Events:

When I told ya'll the story earlier, it was a little after 7 in the morning. As the hours ticked passed, I started having the WORST cramps of my life...come to find out, they were really contractions. So basically I was in labor for 9 hours, getting these horrible tear evoking contraction/cramps every 6-7 minutes.

Pregnant women can imagine. Let me tell you this: if babysitting or fear of AIDS wasn't a good enough method of birth control, those contractions sure were. It was the absolute worst pain I've ever felt. I'm not looking forward to feeling that pain again any time soon.

At around 4 the gynecologist finally came in (they'd been promising her arrival since 6 in the morning) and it was time for my D&C. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I needed those cramps to go away and this was it.

The anesthesia was da bomb...I wonder if they'll let me take a little home with me. The anesthesiologist said "you're going to sleep" and two seconds later I was OUT. I woke up high as hell in the recovery room. Then the nurse pumped me full of morphine and anti-nausea drugs. I'm telling you, it's the first time I've felt relief since yesterday morning and it feels amazing.

I'm due to finally leave here sometime between 9 and 10, provided all my vitals are fine. If not, I'll be out of here tomorrow morning. Which is fine with me.

As usual, I'll keep you all posted.

Charlie's Angel/Thriller

Today, we lost two greats:

I'm not going to spend a lot of time going into details...all you have to do is tune into any major television station (except WCIU) and you'll get details on what happened. Farrah died of cancer, and Michael went into cardiac arrest.

My prayers go out to the families of Farrah and Michael.

You all will be missed.

Change of Plans

I'm about to start working out, changing my eating habits, and becoming healthy.

I know, I know. This is one of those things that's going to be REALLY easy to procrastinate with. I can already feel the potential excuses building up:

-I don't have any appropriate exercise shoes.
-I have asthma and I don't wanna collapse while trying to walk/jog/run.
-It's raining outside and all I wanna do is sit in the house eating flamin hots and watching South Park.

And other such random reasons for NOT working out.

But it's for a good cause. I'm in terrible health (even if my vital signs don't wanna prove it). I've had a headache almost every day for weeks. I'm tired. And I attribute it to my terrible eating habits and innate laziness. I might have a high metabolism but it doesn't mean I need to just eat junk food all day and sit around. That's not good for the body or soul.

I always say that if healthier food were available I'd eat it, but because healthy food isn't available I don't. So that's going to have to change too. I'm going to have to determine a healthy diet that's going to work for me, seeing as I'm not trying to lose weight but am just trying to be a healthy 120 lbs vs 120 lbs of fatty sugars and salt, which is about all I eat these days.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not cutting Oreos out of my life forever. But I notice that when I was a kid eating three meals a day every day (sans sweets other than every once in a GREAT while) and getting anywhere between 7-9 hours of sleep a night, I was much MUCH healthier and you could have even called me athletic. Those were the days when I climbed rock walls and ropes and could run a decent mile. But now that I'm averaging around 5 hours of sleep a night and one halfway decent meal a day, I can't do anything without running out of breath, getting lightheaded and tired, etc...

I gotta start drinking water, too, which is a bit of a problem only because I'm very particular about what kind of water I drink. I prefer tap to bottled water because I grew up drinking unfiltered Chicago tap water (arguably some of the most delicious water in the nation). Bottled water, with the exception of Fiji and Smart Water, always seems to taste processed and plasticky to me.

Aside from health reasons, I have another reason for wanting to get healthy: I am trying to become a Chicago Police Officer, with plans for promotion into the narcotics unit or some other interesting endeavor. I've been doing some research, and I'll need to get my bachelor's before I can apply which is okay seeing as I can (hopefully) knock that out in three years provided I stay on my grind and stop playing around. There's a psychological test, which I should be able to pass, a drug test, which I KNOW I'll be able to pass, and a physical fitness test, which I'd FAIL terribly if I took it right now. But I'm keeping my eye on that goal, and if I continue staying out of trouble for the next few years I can definitely do it.

Sidenote: I know I had been stuck on the business thing for a long time, and it was a toss-up between being a lawyer and being a businesswoman and all that. But I never knew specifically what I wanted to do. Being a police officer means I get to put my affinity for law and writing together with helping the community, protecting the good, and busting the bad guys. And...not gonna lie...I've got a little bit of "school girl" excitement over the thought of wearing a uniform that everyone's got to respect with a bad ass gun on my hip. I'll have to get in touch with my friend in the NRA to figure out what gun I'm gonna replace my police issue with. But that's a whole different topic.

So that's my goal. It's gonna be HARD. And I know there's gonna be a lot of bumps and falls along the way. But I'm excited and amped and ready to get the ball rolling. Let's just hope that this time I can KEEP this resolve.

Just A Question...

What is happiness?

Is it a fleeting emotion, like anger or sadness? Something we can only enjoy in the moment as it's happening and then watch it float away just as quickly as it appeared? Or is it more long term?

If we're talking happiness in terms of daily pleasures (spending time with a significant other, feeling instant gratification from a job, buying things to make you happy), then I'm a very happy, fulfilled person. My day to day life goes just fine. I have fun with the people around me, get the chance to spend a lot of time with the person I love, I have a good time at work and with customers, and because of that job I'm able to buy (some) things I want or need.

But if we're talking long term happiness, as in long term career fulfillment or feeling like you've found that niche, I'm completely down and out on that one. I haven't quite found my slot in life, though I think I'm starting to get close. I actually finally have a career goal in mind (as in this is the exact position I'd like to hold, this is what I need to get there, and this is where I want to go after that), and it's already made a huge difference. But the fight is far from over.

I've had a lot of time to myself today to think and reflect, something I haven't done in quite some time. And in a little bit I'm actually going to write everything down on paper. It may help, it may not, but it's worth a try and if I can get some kind of validation from doing it then I guess it's worth it. It's a start, though, and I can't possibly lose anything through the effort.

I'll be keeping everyone posted.

Shooting at the Museum

Freedom of speech is probably one of our most treasured (and consequently most abused) rights.

It's nice to live in a country where we're *supposed* to be able to believe whatever we want to believe and think whatever we want to think without interference from others or the government.

If only it were that simple.

The recent shooting in the Holocaust Museum in DC is a terrible reminder of the lack of respect, dignity, and honor some Americans seem to have. The whole point of us having freedom of thought and speech is to prevent persecution from others, and yet what do we have here? Some old ass idiot white supremacist who decided that the Holocaust wasn't horrifying enough and decides to go shooting up a museum.

What was he trying to prove? What point was he trying to get across to his audience? What statement was he trying to make? Because from what I can see, all he was able to prove to us is that he's a bigoted fool. It's just his own little "end of life" stunt that he decided to pull, an item on his twisted and insane bucket list.

To the press: Don't mention his name. Don't let anyone know who he is. If you do, you'll generate just the kind of press and attention he wanted to create. Punish him as you wish: send him to prison, let the Texans put him to death, set him out in front of a Mexican firing squad for all I really care. Hell, you can blindfold the bastard and make him cross the freeway Frogger-style. But don't mention his identity. He doesn't DESERVE the public's knowledge or acknowledgement of who he is. His name doesn't deserve to fall out of not one person's lips. To acknowledge HIM is to give him the justification he was looking for. I don't know about anybody else, but I'm not a huge fan of doing that. I say let the man wither through the rest of his existence in jail knowing everyone knows what he did but no one knows his name. Let him deal with the fact that his "valiant" effort to promote his own beliefs and his move to prove a point did NOTHING and that we as a nation won't give him the satisfaction of enjoying infamy.

What the hell is wrong with people these days?

Cinco De Mayos

I officially bought my first pair of Jordans a few days ago.

I know I'm about a month late with the whole Cinco de Mayo thing (seeing as that WAS in May) but the shoes are still hot.

I had never purchased Jordans before because when I was younger I tried getting some and they didn't fit properly, and I was discouraged from ever owning them. I wouldn't say I'm obsessed now, because I'm still a bit of an Air Force One/Chuck Taylor girl myself, but these don't look quite as basketball-ish as some of the other ones do.

Only problem is, I don't have enough red and green in my wardrobe to justify those colors, but whatever. I'll work it out.

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I went to Jay's house after work yesterday and when I got there he confined me to the living room where he had ordered my favorite type of pizza [pepperoni] and bought my favorite pop [Sierra Mist], but he wouldn't let me go in his room.

After we ate, he turned all the lights out in the house, took my glasses off, covered my eyes, and led me into his room.

My jaw dropped.

He had hung scented tea lights all over the wall which gave off the most perfect amber glow. He had changed his comforter to a fancy gold one (we're talking 5-star hotel quality) and had put these pretty red, gold, and white pillowcases on all these pillows. And there were all these rose petals spread in the middle of the bed. It looked like something you only get to read about in romance novels or see on tv but never get to experience in real life.

On top of all that, he gave me the most wonderful back, leg, and foot massage with aromatherapy massage oil.

I needed that last night more than ever. My back was hurting from all the shoe moving I was doing at work, I was sleepy, and actually a little cranky. Plus it was starting to storm when I got off work so I was a little nervous too. But he made all of that go away and it was the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced.

What's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for you?

Lost

Ya'll know I often have a favorite song of the week...a theme song, if you will.

When I first heard this song, I had no idea it was Gorilla Zoe (remember him from that horrid "Hood Nigga"?). It sounded a little too chill for that. But it's a pretty flame song. It's a little depressing if you listen to the lyrics, but again the beat is real chill and Lil Wayne adds fire to the track.

Enjoy!

Long Night

What a trooper.

I've been suffering from shortness of breath lately and have been feeling a generalized sense of sickness even though nothing in particular seemed wrong. So when last night I started breathing hard out of nowhere, Jay decided to take me to the hospital. Now, I've mentioned before somewhere that Cook County is where you go to die. But that's where I ended up going because that's the place for people who don't have insurance.

When we first got there they sent me to a special room for asthmatics since I had the shortness of breath. But the doctor became slightly stumped when he found out I was short of breath but that all my vitals were fine and I wasn't wheezing or congested. So he decided to take a urinalysis. And we found out I have an infection (goddammit). They pulled some blood samples and when they did I had a FIT and started hyperventilating and shaking. I probably scared the crap out of that poor nurse. Then they moved me onto a random bed in a hallway and hooked me up to an IV with saline solution to try to stop the shortness of breath. I kept asking for Jay so my nurse personally went out into the waiting room and got him, which was around 3:00 am. He stayed by my side until after 11:00 this morning, even through the continous IV treatments, blood sugar tests, and chest x-rays.

That's why I said what a trooper. Poor guy had been up early yesterday, up all day, didn't get any sleep last night due to my tossing and turning and lack of air, stayed up in the hospital til this morning fully awake refusing to leave my side even though I kept telling him to go take a nap AND even though he almost got kicked out for not having a visitor pass. And even after we finally left the hospital he refused to go home but instead took me to IHOP just because I mentioned having a taste for pancakes.

I'm doing a little better now but I've still got this generalized laziness and fatigue that lasted since yesterday morning, plus a nagging consistent headache. I gotta go back tomorrow to get my medicine (vitamins, antibiotics, and albuterol for the asthma) and luckily I don't work again until Saturday so hopefully by then I'll be feeling a little better.

I just found it so odd that I came into the hospital expecting to get a puff or two of an inhaler and being able to go right back home and ended up finding out I have an infection that's causing me to feel bad and would have only gotten worse had they not found it.

Modern medicine is amazing.

Stay In Your Lane

I almost had a nigga moment last night, ya'll.

For those of you not familiar with the Boondocks or the concept of a "nigga moment", it's basically when ignorance overpowers the mind of an otherwise logical black (wo)man, causing them to act like a "nigga".



I say "almost" because I managed to hold on to just a little logic. But last night was no joke.

Jay and I went bowling last night. The problem was that the group of people in the lane next to us have no bowling etiquette whatsoever. Now, had they been little teenagers or something with no obvious bowling skills to speak of, I wouldn't have been so bothered because, well, I'd charge it to them never having really played the game before and so not knowing. These people were grown ass MEN who obviously had a little skill to them.

So I couldn't understand why they were all up in MY lane when they weren't even bowling, why they had to walk in front of us when they were bowling, and why they didn't have the common courtesy to wait for the person next to them to bowl before running up to the foul line and heaving their ball down the lane.

I wasn't so pissed the first time some idiot decided to wait until I was lining up my shot to just run up from left field and take his shot instead, fucking with my peripheral vision and throwing me off. I got teed off when some dude randomly walked right in front of our lane in a STUPID attempt to influence his ball by walking (because of course the magnetic gravity of our bodies will pull the ball in the direction you walk in waaaayy after you've released it) and almost got trampled by Jay who was in the process of approaching the foul line but who had to turn around. I got PISSED when a dude just kept standing in the bowlers area all in my way so I had to maneuver past him to bowl in my own lane. All that together, plus the REPEATED occurrence of these events, made me furious.

And when I say furious, I mean itchy hand I'm bout to slap somebody furious.

Irrationality made me pick up a 12 pound ball like it was 5 lbs and just fling it down the lane. Rationality (the only thing that stopped the nigga moment)kept me from flinging it at one of their heads.

And the only reason I was rational at ALL was because we were on the North Side, and they'll kick you out of an establishment in a minute, and I didn't want Jay banned because I decided to go upside someone's head with a bowling pin for being in my way.

The only good thing that came out of it was that in my fury I actually threw a couple of good balls and ended up winning the game.

And in hindsight it really wasn't all that serious enough to get THAT irritated over. But then again, that's what made it a classic nigga moment contender.

I just hope next time something like this happens I stay rational. Cuz the results could have been disaster.

Upgrading

Sooo..I haven't blogged in a REALLY long time.

Sorry, guys.

I've been very busy lately with a couple of things...but I'll go ahead and give you a quick update on the goings on in my life.

I'm still at DSW. And it's...okay for those who like it. I'm more of a computer type so the whole retail/customer service deal isn't really my bag. But it's an easy job. And the discount keeps me there...at least until I find something a little more tailored to my skills.

=>Sidenote: i just applied for a data entry job today. Cross your fingers!

I'm gonna be a model! I was at work a few days ago and a customer walked up to me and asked if I wanted to be a model...and I said yes! She needs my measurements for an upcoming show, and I have a fitting session today. I'm sooo excited about this opportunity I don't know what to do! Hopefully it all goes well!

Definitely not the least important, though, of all the new occurrences in my life: I have a new boyfriend! We've been together for over a month and a half and it's been the best time of my life.

I'm gonna refer to him here on out as Jay. It's so funny because we're basically carbon copies of each other (with the exception of me being able to outeat him almost every time we go out to eat) and we've been through a lot of similar situations so it's very easy for us to get along. We have a lot of fun together. You'll be seeing a lot more of him in the blog.

Oh and one more development: I got my nose pierced!

Did it hurt? Not really. I did almost slap the guy's hand away as he was in the process of piercing. And yes, I was bamboozled. I thought he'd use the piercing gun but he used no such thing. I've wanted my nose pierced for some time but the motivation to finally do it came partly from Jay and partly because I want it healed by the time I get an office job (in case they don't allow it). That's a pretty bad picture but it's actually very adorable in person =).

Those are my updates so far...tune in next time for more!

Under My Skin

*Sigh*

You're trying real hard right about now to get to me, and the fact of the matter is...its working. A little bit. You know I know what's going on (and if you didn't...now you do). I've got a lot more connections than you think I do, and I know SO much more than I'm letting on. But that's beside the point.

I can't tell whether all this is something you really just chose to do or if its just for my benefit. I get the feeling its more the latter than the former, but what do I know, right? I mean, I was right all along about everything, but for some reason you still wanted to play it to the left and pretend like I was talking out the side of my neck. I knew what I was talking about when I noticed the things I noticed about you and *the other*. I'm no dummy. I've been through some foolishness in my life and I already know what bullshit smells like. So you may have gotten away with murder for a while, but eventually I got smart.

It probably makes you real happy to think you've gotten under my skin. I just don't want you to flatter yourself. Yes, I'm slightly bothered by this whole situation. Yes, I'm fully aware that in the bigger scheme of things this shouldn't be an issue seeing as "we" are not a "we" anymore. I'm also fully aware that I am human, and being human means having the ability to feel emotion...so I'm entitled to a raised eyebrow, a loss of a few points on the self-esteem scale, and maybe a pang of anger. Im entitled to an "I cant believe THAT happened" moment or two.

But the one thing I don't feel is regret...and truth be told, regarding you I never will. And unlike a lot of people, I've learned to control my emotions to an extent. Its hard, and it doesn't protect me against knee-jerk reactions to the things you do. What it DOES do, however, is prevent me from allowing other people to determine how im going to feel. Granted, you used to have the power to turn that safety mechanism of mine off. But I've got my power back.

And as always, I still find this all quite humorous. But, do what you do homie as long as you do what you're doing for YOU and not for my benefit. Think about it this way: if you're doing things just to get a reaction from me, who's REALLY got the upper hand?

BFF Field Trip!!!

Today, me and Bff decided to take a little field trip. She had a job interview today so we drove from Chicago to Dekalb. I figured it would be fun to catch up since I haven't seen her since I moved back home, and I haven't been to Dekalb since the New Years fiasco so I figured that would be interesting too.

I had a weak moment, guys. I saw some things I really didn't agree with. And heard some things, and just went through some unnecessary drama. I wanted to curse *a certain person* out. I wanted to write this long entry about...everything, and say all kinds of things.

But I'm in Dekalb with my bff, and it's pretty damn rude to spend my time focused on insignificant *people* when I'm supposed to be hanging out with her. It's really not all that important...

I Disagree...

Things that just have made me go wtf???...

1. Facebook changed the layout AGAIN...smh...(sidenote: I had no idea what "smh" meant until yesterday...lmao!!) Although it's definitely become more stalkerish, I can see how it's a little easier to use than the old Facebook.

2. I love how people do things they think are gonna bother you but they really don't. For instance, don't you just love it when someone says something simply to get a reaction out of you, especially when the expected reaction is hurt or anger or jealousy? Why would you do things just to *try* to make me mad? If I react to what you do, it implies that I care (key word: implies). So if you say or do something, whether indirect or direct, and I don't respond, it doesn't mean I didn't see it. It means I'm sitting somewhere laughing my ass off saying "wtf...for real? People actually waste their time doing this??"

3. I also love how people think you owe them something or are obligated to give them special privileges when they really don't deserve them. Like, just because you call out to me I'm supposed to stop what I'm doing to answer. Or just because we have some sort of relationship (be it work, personal, whatever) I owe you something. I don't owe anyone ANYTHING...and no one owes me either. If you do something for me, it's a personal decision YOU made. If you go through life doing things just to expect something in return you're going to be a very disappointed person...

4. Chivalry is NOT dead. Believe it or not, there are still men out here who do sweet things like drop you off at the door of the restaurant and open doors and pull out chairs and carry your bags when you go shopping and won't go somewhere without asking if you want something and drive across states just to see you for an hour and carry you across the parking lot when you're wearing four inch heels and it's cold and the car's not far enough away for you to just wait for him to pull up in front of the door like he normally would...I know these men exist because I'm talking to one now =)

5. I think the decision to change the name of the Sears Tower is selfish and silly. I will never call it a "Willis" nothing. This is even more selfish than changing Marshall Fields to Macys and taking Carson's off State Street. The Sears Tower is an internationally known and recognized building, people...you can upset a city and get away with it but the whole world???

6. I just discovered FML today and I'm having mixed feelings. On the one hand, some of the stories are pretty damn funny. On the other some are really really REALLY lame and not really what I would consider an FML moment. Of course, I can't stop reading...

7. Why is Chicago weather on crack? We had a week of temperatures in the 20s and 30s and all of a sudden it blasts up to 73. Now it's in the 50s and rainy. People were in shorts and tank tops yesterday (not an exaggeration) and today there are people wearing winter coats. And people wonder why everyone in Chicago is always so sick...

8. You know you're lazy when you decide to take a nap before getting up to go eat (even if you're starving) just because your bed is too comfortable to get out of.

I think I'm done for now...I'm sure I'll think of more, and hopefully if I'm not too lazy I can post them =)...

Work Ethics

I have a low tolerance for bad working conditions.

I've been working for all of three months now, and clearly my seasonal status has been transferred to part time status, which is good. But some things are starting to happen that are making me ready to break out the ol' resume and get to hunting.

First, we're experiencing a huge change in management. They took the two GOOD managers and sent them to a struggling store and left us with the other two somewhat cool but not that hot managers. So now we have a new manager (who clearly isn't too new because he's been there before) and an acting store manager to fill in until our real new store manager gets here.

The change in management is tolerable at best. What sucks, though, is how they've been treating my time and the time of select other employees. Thursday night they made me do an extended shift and close even though I really didn't need to be there. Friday I had to come in early and then the manager tried to make me stay later even though I wasn't extended and again had NO REASON TO BE THERE. And tonight I worked a DOUBLE EXTENDED SHIFT (which don't even exist) and had to close, which resulted in me not getting home until 12:30 am. Add in the fact that time skipped ahead and technically my ass was out until 1:30.

When I say that's some bullshit, I mean that's some bullshit.

I've stayed way too many unplanned extended shifts, and covered way too many unexpected call offs, and now I guess its expected that im supposed to just always be freakin available. My problem is I cant say no, not because of money but because of my work ethic and I know that its good when you make sacrifices for the sake of the team. This time was just particularly infuriating.

So for now, I will bite my tongue and bear it. Ill work the extra hours. Stand all day in those damn high ass 4 inch stiletto boots I wear to work to promote the brand (which works) and go home with sore feet. On Fridays I will prance to the bank. And all the while ill be perfecting my resume and applying to school. This is not where I want to be for another 6 months, much less the rest of my life.

Something To Groove To

So I had plans to do a big post...but then I got lazy (don't I always?).

So today I'm introducing a few songs I've been crazy about for the past couple of weeks.

1. No Use - Jazzanova feat. Clara Hill

They play this song at work all the time, and I've gotten addicted to it. It was my theme song for a little while. It's got a jazz-ish vibe, but it's by a group of German djs...go figure...



Used to miss the hidden signs, what am I supposed to do?

2. Prototype - Outkast

This song makes me want to step everytime I hear it (and if you don't know what steppin is, come to Chicago to a backyard party with a bunch of people who grew up in the 70s and 80s and throw on a song like this and you'll see what I mean). It stayed stuck in my head for weeks.



I hope that you're the one...if not, you are the prototype...

3. On The Ocean - K'Jon

Another crazy stepping song that's also pretty inspirational. This is another song that will have everyone who knows how to step racing to the dance floor or any open area they see to start stepping. Even people who DON'T know how to dance will be over there just because they don't want to feel left out.



Right there on the ocean, I know my ship is coming home...

I hope you all enjoyed my musical selections!

On This Day 20 Years Ago...

...A baby was born, weighing in at less than 3 lbs because she was 7 weeks early, in a hospital in Weisbaden, Germany.

(Pssst...that baby is me =P)

I've got plans for a big V-day/birthday/blog birthday post, which I will have up hopefully tomorow (because ill be damned if I spend my birthday in front of the computer), so be on the lookout for that.

Ill holla at yall later...

Caramel Apple Spice

If you've read any of my blog posts from the summer, you know how much of a starbucks hoe I am. Like seriously I need to be a Starbucks Rewards member or something (it costs $25, but on some real shit im considering the investment). My new favorite drink: the caramel apple spice. Its an orgasm in your mouth. Like for real that drink is freakin awesome.

If I were a stripper my name would be caramel apple spice. Well, maybe caramel spice for short...lol...

I've been doing waaaayyyy too much shopping lately...like for real its not even funny. Between visits to the nail shop, purses, and shoes, my poor little paycheck just dwindles. But despite all my shopping, I've saved more money now than I ever did before (imagine THAT) so I guess I deserve to buy something every now and again...

Thought for the day: 20/20 hindsight is a bitch sometimes...

A New Blogger On The Scene!

Brilliance must run in the family.

My 10 year old cousin Nia (who is really more like my little sister than anything else) has just created her own blog...and snapped! So of course, being the big cousin/sister that I am, I gotta promote her page on my page. So if you've got a few seconds, hop on over to niasjuicycoutuer.blogspot.com and see what she's done.

Im so proud of her!! =)

The Best Medicine?

Im a big fan of tyler perry movies. They're funny but they deal with real issues.

So tell me why halfway through Meet the Browns I was crying?! And I don't mean stray tear crying. I mean body shaking boohoohoo shut up with all them tears crying. Dramatic "them aint even real tears" crying.

I know why I was crying. It had been building up for weeks. First of all, I was scared. The movie drummed up a few of my insecurities about the way my life is heading and where I could have been versus where I am now, and where I might end up. So I was crying for myself. Second...I just got over a breakup a little while ago and im still kinda reeling from that. Add in stress and day to day pressures and I think I deserve a tear or two.

They say laughter is the best medicine. But laughter is a short term fix. Laughter makes you forget, but it won't make things go away. I had nightmares (even if I just dozed off for 20 minutes) for days, every day, without fail, until the night I cried. I haven't had one since.

Does that mean tears are really the best medicine? What do you think?

Update!!

It's been so long since I last posted that I almost don't know what to write anymore.

What's been going on with me? The holiday was a whirlwind of good times and bad times. I almost didn't have a Christmas spirit, then found it just to lose it again. We won't even talk about my New Years...let's just say there's been a couple of HUGE changes in my life as a result that I don't feel like I can talk about right now because it's all too fresh and I haven't yet learned to control my emotions regarding it.

Have you ever been so tired it makes you angry that you're as exhausted as you are? Or so sad that the thought of crying hurts? Or have you ever been so happy that people can spot you from a mile away? I've felt all of these things over the past few weeks.

I've been working my ass off at DSW, and for the past couple of days I did a project with one of my previous bosses. The experience was certainly worth it. It reminded me of what I really love to do, which is work on a project that involves high organization and a certain level of independence. It also reminded me of how stressful that kind of employment is. I've had a dull headache for three days and my diet has consisted of pepsi (I'm a Coke drinker myself but when it comes to a caffeine fix I don't discriminate), flamin hots, and brownies. Plus the occassional ramen noodles or ravioli.

For the record, I'm not going back to Dekalb this semester, and if things go the way I want them to in Chicago, I'm never going back. It took being at home for me to realize that I don't like the college town scene. I like to be in the city, where I can work and transportation is easily accessible and there's a Walgreens or McDonald's on every corner and where I can work a decent job and go to school as well and finally get my life back on track from the *ahem* stumble I just took.

OOHHH. And a bit of sadness (for me, at least. It's nothing earth shattering). I have to part with my beloved Tweety coat!!!

Give me a moment so I can compose myself.

That coat has been with me for the past 3 years. It's made it through the harshest of winters, the mildest of falls, and springs, and the forgotten tone of summer. The Tweety became a little trademark for me when I first got the coat and made me easily identifiable to the world. It was a little big, and it spit feathers in my clothes every time I wore it, but it was a good coat nonetheless and it will be missed.

Now I've moved on to a more fitted Southpole coat. Not gonna lie, I really like the gold accents and fur around the hood, and it fits me much better than the Tweety coat. But still.

That's basically all for today...I promise I'll start writing more when I'm not so tired all the time.