I hate it when I do this.
I get super fired up about an idea that I KNOW will benefit me in the long run if I just do it. Or I read a self help book and am ready to change my life, to be successful, to have a better understanding of the world. And then, halfway through, I lose steam. Suddenly the why nots outnumber the whys and I leave the project hanging, only to come back to it later and abandon it again.
I'm tempted to blame it on laziness, but I know I'm not lazy to the point of stupidity. Besides, laziness is an assumed trait and one that can be very much controlled. No, there's some greater emotion that's keeping me from starting a self-enriching project and actually seeing it through.
Fear.
What I'm scared of, I don't know. I'd like to say it's easy to point out, like a fear of rejection or a fear of failure. The fear I speak of is different: it's the fear of losing something when you've got nothing to lose. It may not seem like much of a fear, but I believe it's what holds me back now.
If you've ever read a self-help book such as The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People or Don't Sweat the Small Stuff or even Think and Grow Rich, and you read it seriously, you may begin to develop this motivation to get out and be a better person. I know I do, every time I read one. I always want to start fresh and wake up a new person. And for a while, my new ideals will stick. I'll make goals, have dreams, and become determined to be in control of my life.
Then something happens. It happens when I try to write certain blog posts. It happens when I have great ideas. I just lose steam, suddenly and almost irreversibly. I either forget what major goal I'm aiming for, or I determine that my steps won't lead to that goal and I just give up. And I'm ashamed that I do that.
I say this because right now I had the goal that by January, I'd be employed at a law office in Dekalb. Never mind not having a law degree. Never mind my lack of formal legal training. I just know that I want to work in a law office so that I'm sure law is what I'd like to pursue. And so I started the task of looking online to find law offices relatively close to campus that I'd be able to get to relatively easily. And I found some.
Then I thought of reasons to whittle down the list. I'm not interested in family law, though I'd probably be a sympathetic listener seeing as my own family situation hasn't been the most ideal. Strike out those lawyers. I can't travel too far away from Dekalb, so strike out those lawyers. An 11 firm list went down to 7, and by the time I was done reading through the limited information I could find online, I had only written down information for 2 offices. During this time, I started berating myself. This is a stupid idea, I started thinking. It's not going to work. And that's what I'm always doing. I wouldn't apply for a certain loan because I was convinced beforehand that I wouldn't qualify. I wouldn't ask for help because I was sure I either wouldn't get it at all or that the help I did get wouldn't be helpful. I won't take chances, because I'm afraid to fail.
But enough is enough. By not trying, I'm essentially failing worse than I would have if I tried and got a "no". At least I would have the satisfaction of knowing I'd tried my hardest, and if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be.
Now I'm off for a midnight snack, and then to get the information of EVERY SINGLE ONE of the lawyers on that list. I'm also going to research the clerical duties required of the job, and find out what it is that paralegals do with the hopes of shadowing one or becoming an assistant, just for job exposure. I'm going home tomorrow, and drafting a letter that I'm faxing/mailing to each law firm. I'm also revamping my resume (not lying, just adjusting) for the position I'm looking for. With luck, I'll hear from the firms within a week, and I may be able to work something out for the rest of the year and even beyond that.
I just hope this time, my resolve doesn't wear out.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Welcome To My World
That's what I would have said to him if it were me.
I was sitting on the train on my way to work, my headphones in my ears, blissfully minding my own business. First let me explain the CTA a little for yall. We have different colored lines; my train goes south into downtown. From the first stop to downtown, all you see are black people with a few mexicans and fewer white people. Once the train hits downtown and heads to the north side the demographics flip and there are all white people with few blacks and mexicans.
A white guy had gotten on the train with his bike, and was partially blocking the entrance to the train so if someone wanted to get on he would have had to move his bike. But I resumed my world watching out the train window. Suddenly there was this huge commotion, and as I turned I saw a black woman slap the mans bike out the way, throwing a huge thermos down the aisle of the train that splashed everywhere (im so glad I wasn't sitting over there). Apparently shed asked him to move and he didn't so she pushed the bike out the way.
Im not an advocate of force, so I felt a little bad for the guy. But the fight was not over. The woman stood up to exit the train and the shit really hit the fan. They exchanged some heated "fuck you"s and he called her a few kinds of "bitch" and THEN he said it:
"It's hard being white in a black man's world!"
Yall, when I say I was dying laughing, I mean Im sure I was red from trying to keep from bustin up out loud. Im laughing now as I write this, and it definitely happened like two days ago.
On the one hand, that's the funniest shit I've ever heard, and something I never thought id hear. On the other hand, Im insulted. I immediately thought about how we have a black president now and I don't appreciate the thought that just because we have a black president this is a "black mans world". Because the truth of the matter is, we're still the minority. We still get persecuted, we still have stereotypes, we still are, in some places, oppressed. People are still prejudiced against us.
However, that was just so funny and random that I had to share it.
Work has been good. They taught me how to work the register, and hopefully they'll start putting me on it more. I like working with money. I don't like walking the sales floor as much, but my coworkers make it fun sometimes and often the customers are nice.
And by the way, partying and working retail do not a very happy Demiera make, so Im spending today recovering my feet which are rebelling from being stuffed in 4 inch stiletto boots and nursing my very empty and very unhappy stomach back into full health WHILE fixing the knees that give out every other day.
The things we do for money.
I was sitting on the train on my way to work, my headphones in my ears, blissfully minding my own business. First let me explain the CTA a little for yall. We have different colored lines; my train goes south into downtown. From the first stop to downtown, all you see are black people with a few mexicans and fewer white people. Once the train hits downtown and heads to the north side the demographics flip and there are all white people with few blacks and mexicans.
A white guy had gotten on the train with his bike, and was partially blocking the entrance to the train so if someone wanted to get on he would have had to move his bike. But I resumed my world watching out the train window. Suddenly there was this huge commotion, and as I turned I saw a black woman slap the mans bike out the way, throwing a huge thermos down the aisle of the train that splashed everywhere (im so glad I wasn't sitting over there). Apparently shed asked him to move and he didn't so she pushed the bike out the way.
Im not an advocate of force, so I felt a little bad for the guy. But the fight was not over. The woman stood up to exit the train and the shit really hit the fan. They exchanged some heated "fuck you"s and he called her a few kinds of "bitch" and THEN he said it:
"It's hard being white in a black man's world!"
Yall, when I say I was dying laughing, I mean Im sure I was red from trying to keep from bustin up out loud. Im laughing now as I write this, and it definitely happened like two days ago.
On the one hand, that's the funniest shit I've ever heard, and something I never thought id hear. On the other hand, Im insulted. I immediately thought about how we have a black president now and I don't appreciate the thought that just because we have a black president this is a "black mans world". Because the truth of the matter is, we're still the minority. We still get persecuted, we still have stereotypes, we still are, in some places, oppressed. People are still prejudiced against us.
However, that was just so funny and random that I had to share it.
Work has been good. They taught me how to work the register, and hopefully they'll start putting me on it more. I like working with money. I don't like walking the sales floor as much, but my coworkers make it fun sometimes and often the customers are nice.
And by the way, partying and working retail do not a very happy Demiera make, so Im spending today recovering my feet which are rebelling from being stuffed in 4 inch stiletto boots and nursing my very empty and very unhappy stomach back into full health WHILE fixing the knees that give out every other day.
The things we do for money.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Out of the Darkness
Life is one hell of a roller coaster.
There are two roller coasters that I've rode that would perfectly describe my life. One, the Raging Bull, is at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee. The other is El Toro at Six Flags Great...Adventure (?? maybe) in New Jersey. The Raging Bull, the tallest roller coaster at the park, doesn't go upside down but plummets you from high, high up all the way underground. The first hill was so high I screamed at the top of my lungs as we dropped but NO sound came out. That should tell you something. And as for El Toro: I had a huge panic attack and almost passed out when we got to the front of the line and it was almost my turn to get on, so that alone should tell you how bad THAT ride was for me.
So for me to compare my life to these, you know some crap is going on.
Yesterday I called the city college close to my house to find out what my status would be if I applied to be a student. And you know what they told me? I can't apply. Because I have that balance from Northern I can't get my transcripts. And I MUST submit transcripts from any institution I've attended to apply. Therefore, unless I pay that balance, I'm stuck out of school.
On the one hand, I can understand the system. They don't want students going around stiffing schools and then coming to them and possibly leaving them a bill. I'm not angry at the policy. I'm angry at the system that made school so GODDAMN expensive that helped get me to where I'm at today.
When I found that out yesterday, I cried for an hour. Disbelief and shock turned to pure anger and hatred, and I raged about the system, the government, and greedy educators. i cursed the whole world. I cried and raged myself into a pounding headache.
But I woke up today a different girl. And when I showered this morning, I prayed. Sure, a shower is a weird place to talk to God, but I just wanted to be cleansed from head to toe and I figured that was the best place to do it. I asked God to help me, to find a way. I told Him that I knew he was trying to tell me something, and that I was ready to listen. And the bathroom seemed brighter, and I felt lighter. I came out of that shower ready to fight. There's no turning back or giving up now.
My aunt told me last night that everything happens for a reason. There's a reason I found out that I can't apply to Chicago State. To go to a city college would be to run away, to allow this problem to fester and wait for dealing later. I need to challenge this beast head on. I've even started to think of it as a blessing in disguise. Things fall in place for a certain reason. There's a reason I happened to walk into DSW with an application when the hiring manager was there, and a reason I started training four days later.
And there's a reason I'm happier in Chicago. My uncle knew what he was talking about when he said to come back. I have emotions, emotions that run deeply for Dekalb and the people there. For my boyfriend, who I didn't want to leave the most. For my best friends, my roommates (who I feel excluded from sometimes but honestly, they're good people), the world there. But in Chicago, I'm removed from all of that. I've been able to focus on myself and on doing what I need to do to make things better. I still have my connections to Dekalb. I miss Amardo and my friends terribly. But for once I needed to put my business and life ahead of emotions and others, and I needed this distance more than anything I've ever needed. I've always felt that focusing on myself was selfish, and that I should spend as much as my time making other people happy, because I get joy from bringing happiness to others, from knowing that my influence has made some change in their lives. But in order to give happiness you must possess it within yourself.
And I've also learned it's time to let go. Of the past, of what happened before. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting; it means learning the lesson to be learned and moving on. I've made a lot of mistakes. I carry physical scars but my mental scars are much more numerous. But it's time to heal. The time for grieving has passed. The time for depression has passed.
I'm ready to fight.
There are two roller coasters that I've rode that would perfectly describe my life. One, the Raging Bull, is at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee. The other is El Toro at Six Flags Great...Adventure (?? maybe) in New Jersey. The Raging Bull, the tallest roller coaster at the park, doesn't go upside down but plummets you from high, high up all the way underground. The first hill was so high I screamed at the top of my lungs as we dropped but NO sound came out. That should tell you something. And as for El Toro: I had a huge panic attack and almost passed out when we got to the front of the line and it was almost my turn to get on, so that alone should tell you how bad THAT ride was for me.
So for me to compare my life to these, you know some crap is going on.
Yesterday I called the city college close to my house to find out what my status would be if I applied to be a student. And you know what they told me? I can't apply. Because I have that balance from Northern I can't get my transcripts. And I MUST submit transcripts from any institution I've attended to apply. Therefore, unless I pay that balance, I'm stuck out of school.
On the one hand, I can understand the system. They don't want students going around stiffing schools and then coming to them and possibly leaving them a bill. I'm not angry at the policy. I'm angry at the system that made school so GODDAMN expensive that helped get me to where I'm at today.
When I found that out yesterday, I cried for an hour. Disbelief and shock turned to pure anger and hatred, and I raged about the system, the government, and greedy educators. i cursed the whole world. I cried and raged myself into a pounding headache.
But I woke up today a different girl. And when I showered this morning, I prayed. Sure, a shower is a weird place to talk to God, but I just wanted to be cleansed from head to toe and I figured that was the best place to do it. I asked God to help me, to find a way. I told Him that I knew he was trying to tell me something, and that I was ready to listen. And the bathroom seemed brighter, and I felt lighter. I came out of that shower ready to fight. There's no turning back or giving up now.
My aunt told me last night that everything happens for a reason. There's a reason I found out that I can't apply to Chicago State. To go to a city college would be to run away, to allow this problem to fester and wait for dealing later. I need to challenge this beast head on. I've even started to think of it as a blessing in disguise. Things fall in place for a certain reason. There's a reason I happened to walk into DSW with an application when the hiring manager was there, and a reason I started training four days later.
And there's a reason I'm happier in Chicago. My uncle knew what he was talking about when he said to come back. I have emotions, emotions that run deeply for Dekalb and the people there. For my boyfriend, who I didn't want to leave the most. For my best friends, my roommates (who I feel excluded from sometimes but honestly, they're good people), the world there. But in Chicago, I'm removed from all of that. I've been able to focus on myself and on doing what I need to do to make things better. I still have my connections to Dekalb. I miss Amardo and my friends terribly. But for once I needed to put my business and life ahead of emotions and others, and I needed this distance more than anything I've ever needed. I've always felt that focusing on myself was selfish, and that I should spend as much as my time making other people happy, because I get joy from bringing happiness to others, from knowing that my influence has made some change in their lives. But in order to give happiness you must possess it within yourself.
And I've also learned it's time to let go. Of the past, of what happened before. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting; it means learning the lesson to be learned and moving on. I've made a lot of mistakes. I carry physical scars but my mental scars are much more numerous. But it's time to heal. The time for grieving has passed. The time for depression has passed.
I'm ready to fight.
Friday, December 5, 2008
We Need A Resolution!
Its time for my annual writing of my New Years Resolutions list. Yes, its a month before the list is due, but I like to have a rough draft handy in case I procrastinate and have to rush at the last minute to do some much needed reflections. So today, I present to you my resolutions for bettering myself.
My first resolution is in 2009, im gonna be the shit to ME. Fuck what everyone else thinks. I spend so much time concerned about how someone else is gonna react to decisions I make about my life that I forget to do what makes me happy.
In 2009, im letting my inner strong black woman come out, that woman that somehow managed to get buried somewhere in my many facades. The strong black woman that is Demiera does not take nobodys bullshit, will not be taken for granted, and will command not demand respect.
In 2009, I will find myself a theme song. And I don't mean no stupid songs I just happen to like a lot. I mean how like girls adapt Beyonce's songs runnin around dancing and screaming "if you liked me then you shoulda put a ring on it!". Kirk Franklin's Imagine Me was doing the trick for a while, but I need an upbeat song for 2009.
In 2009, I will come to terms with my own inner gangsta. And I don't mean the fitted lovin chain wearin gangsta. That's comin to terms with my inner ghetto. My inner gangsta has more of a Scarface appeal. So in essence. Im gonna be more powerful. And gangsta.
In 2009, Im gonna stop worrying so much about the past. Its history and I cant change it. What's done is done. All I can change are my actions here and now. Im just going to focus on that and forget the other bullshit.
Whew! Okay, im tired now. Its been a longer day than I even care to think about, and tomorrow promises to be longer. Ill come back with the next installment of my resolutions...whenever =P.
My first resolution is in 2009, im gonna be the shit to ME. Fuck what everyone else thinks. I spend so much time concerned about how someone else is gonna react to decisions I make about my life that I forget to do what makes me happy.
In 2009, im letting my inner strong black woman come out, that woman that somehow managed to get buried somewhere in my many facades. The strong black woman that is Demiera does not take nobodys bullshit, will not be taken for granted, and will command not demand respect.
In 2009, I will find myself a theme song. And I don't mean no stupid songs I just happen to like a lot. I mean how like girls adapt Beyonce's songs runnin around dancing and screaming "if you liked me then you shoulda put a ring on it!". Kirk Franklin's Imagine Me was doing the trick for a while, but I need an upbeat song for 2009.
In 2009, I will come to terms with my own inner gangsta. And I don't mean the fitted lovin chain wearin gangsta. That's comin to terms with my inner ghetto. My inner gangsta has more of a Scarface appeal. So in essence. Im gonna be more powerful. And gangsta.
In 2009, Im gonna stop worrying so much about the past. Its history and I cant change it. What's done is done. All I can change are my actions here and now. Im just going to focus on that and forget the other bullshit.
Whew! Okay, im tired now. Its been a longer day than I even care to think about, and tomorrow promises to be longer. Ill come back with the next installment of my resolutions...whenever =P.
First Day Jitters
Last night I bustled around, making sure everything was perfect. I tried on my outfit, shoes and all, to make sure it was the look I wanted. I even styled my hair while wearing my clothes to further complete the look. My bag is packed. Funny thing is, its 7 am, I've been awake since 5:30, and I don't have work until 10. Sounds like a good case of the first day jitters to me.
Unfortunately, I've awakened in a hoooorrrrrible mood. And the bad thing is, if my mood had a description it would be "fuck you". Fuck you, fuck you, I don't know you but fuck you too. I think the caffeine I drank before I went to bed had a negative effect on me, prolly cuz ur not really supposed to sleep after you drink caffeine. And it doesn't help that when I woke up it was butt ass cold in my room...so now I don't wanna get out of bed at all.
I mean, we're all entitled to these days. I just wish mine had come any day BUT today, when I didn't have to wake up and go smile in people's faces and tell them how gorgeous the shoes on their feet are.
Although I have to admit, waking up wanting to fight somebody is far superior in my mind to waking up nauseous and hurting, which I've done quite enough of (out of depression, guys, not pregnancy. Lord knows I couldn't handle THAT at a time like this).
The time for me to get up and start getting ready is inching near, which is actually what I wanted, and Im pleased to announce that Im back to nervousness and excitement for my first day, not anger and violence. Ill keep you posted.
Unfortunately, I've awakened in a hoooorrrrrible mood. And the bad thing is, if my mood had a description it would be "fuck you". Fuck you, fuck you, I don't know you but fuck you too. I think the caffeine I drank before I went to bed had a negative effect on me, prolly cuz ur not really supposed to sleep after you drink caffeine. And it doesn't help that when I woke up it was butt ass cold in my room...so now I don't wanna get out of bed at all.
I mean, we're all entitled to these days. I just wish mine had come any day BUT today, when I didn't have to wake up and go smile in people's faces and tell them how gorgeous the shoes on their feet are.
Although I have to admit, waking up wanting to fight somebody is far superior in my mind to waking up nauseous and hurting, which I've done quite enough of (out of depression, guys, not pregnancy. Lord knows I couldn't handle THAT at a time like this).
The time for me to get up and start getting ready is inching near, which is actually what I wanted, and Im pleased to announce that Im back to nervousness and excitement for my first day, not anger and violence. Ill keep you posted.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Rollin The Dice
If life were a craps table, I'd be rolling straight 7s.
My phone rang, and it was a 312 number, so I figured it was from DSW, maybe to announce a change in schedule or something. So I answered. But it wasn't DSW at all. It was GNC (gotta love the acronyms lol) asking if I was still looking for a position. Hell yeah I am! One job is good but two, especially when they are 2 minutes apart, is phenomenal. They asked me to come by the store after Im finished with my shift at DSW.
If I thought I was on cloud 9 when I found out about DSW, Im in heaven now.
This throws a rather difficult monkey wrench into my plans to return to Dekalb, though. For about a week I've been wrestling with whether or not I should just swallow the cost of my apartment and stay in Chicago, or whether I should go back to Dekalb and leave my job. At first, both were on an even keel. But now I just don't know. Going to Dekalb is a blind gamble, and id be sure to crap out. Staying in Chicago is safer...and certainly looks smarter.
But I just don't know. I've really gotta think this through, and quickly. I just hope I make the right choice.
My phone rang, and it was a 312 number, so I figured it was from DSW, maybe to announce a change in schedule or something. So I answered. But it wasn't DSW at all. It was GNC (gotta love the acronyms lol) asking if I was still looking for a position. Hell yeah I am! One job is good but two, especially when they are 2 minutes apart, is phenomenal. They asked me to come by the store after Im finished with my shift at DSW.
If I thought I was on cloud 9 when I found out about DSW, Im in heaven now.
This throws a rather difficult monkey wrench into my plans to return to Dekalb, though. For about a week I've been wrestling with whether or not I should just swallow the cost of my apartment and stay in Chicago, or whether I should go back to Dekalb and leave my job. At first, both were on an even keel. But now I just don't know. Going to Dekalb is a blind gamble, and id be sure to crap out. Staying in Chicago is safer...and certainly looks smarter.
But I just don't know. I've really gotta think this through, and quickly. I just hope I make the right choice.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Been So Long...
I know its really only been a week since the last time I wrote, but it feels like forever. I still don't have internet =( so I'm still trucking it on the sidekick which means I cant comment on anyones posts. But I am still reading!
New Development #1: I HAVE A JOB!!! Im now a sales associate at DSW. Its a designer shoe store, but it sells its shoes at discounted prices. Im EC-freakin-STATIC about this, mainly because I need a job, but also because I love shoes and purses and I get a 30% discount not only at DSW but also at Filene's Basement. If I were able to upload pics I'd show yall my pretty name badge but I can't yet so I'll work on that later.
New Development #2: Amardo and I are talking again. I hadn't blogged about it but two weeks ago we got into a horrible fight and broke up. It took days before we could even speak civilly to each other and it wasn't until Friday that we really made up, since Friday was the first time we saw each other since the fight, seeing as he's in Dekalb and im still in Chicago. I just hope things stay the way they are because I really like where we're at right now and I don't want it to change.
New Development #3: I have revived my faith. For a time, I didn't want to believe in anything God related. But Tuesday, I decided to pray. It wasn't to God...I was really having a talk with my grandfather, who passed away when I was conceived (so I never met him but feel some strange connection to him). I prayed for wisdom, guidance, and strength. The next day I got the interview at DSW, and by Saturday I was offered the job, with yesterday being my official hiring date. In addition, after praying, my relationship with Amardo got much better. I could say its a coincidence, but I like to think Bigdaddy is my guardian angel and that he's looking out for me.
Things are finally getting better for me.
New Development #1: I HAVE A JOB!!! Im now a sales associate at DSW. Its a designer shoe store, but it sells its shoes at discounted prices. Im EC-freakin-STATIC about this, mainly because I need a job, but also because I love shoes and purses and I get a 30% discount not only at DSW but also at Filene's Basement. If I were able to upload pics I'd show yall my pretty name badge but I can't yet so I'll work on that later.
New Development #2: Amardo and I are talking again. I hadn't blogged about it but two weeks ago we got into a horrible fight and broke up. It took days before we could even speak civilly to each other and it wasn't until Friday that we really made up, since Friday was the first time we saw each other since the fight, seeing as he's in Dekalb and im still in Chicago. I just hope things stay the way they are because I really like where we're at right now and I don't want it to change.
New Development #3: I have revived my faith. For a time, I didn't want to believe in anything God related. But Tuesday, I decided to pray. It wasn't to God...I was really having a talk with my grandfather, who passed away when I was conceived (so I never met him but feel some strange connection to him). I prayed for wisdom, guidance, and strength. The next day I got the interview at DSW, and by Saturday I was offered the job, with yesterday being my official hiring date. In addition, after praying, my relationship with Amardo got much better. I could say its a coincidence, but I like to think Bigdaddy is my guardian angel and that he's looking out for me.
Things are finally getting better for me.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Have you ever heard of the Visine trick? Its thought that putting a little Visine in someone's drink will put them to sleep.
I turned into a little junior Mythbuster yesterday. I figured eye drops cant be all that bad for you since you put them in your eyes. And since I didn't have anything better to do, I could devote the day to sleeping. So I poured a few drops (okay more like 10) into a 1\4 full energy drink and got to drinking.
Halfway through the concoction, though, a little red light went off in my head as I realized that maybe drinking Visine wasn't the smartest idea. And a quick search online confirmed my fears: Visine can KILL you, kids!
So of course Im shitting bricks because I know I've consumed at least 5 drops and it doesn't take much to make you sick. It is POISON, after all.
For a few moments, I sat in absolute terror. I wanted to tell someone so they could keep an eye out for me. Maybe give a sistah a shake, just to make sure I hadn't passed out or choked on my own vomit. But I knew what I had done was so absolutely stupid that I couldn't tell anybody.
I chugged as much water as possible to dilute the effects. And then I fell asleep (so I guess it DID work). When I woke up the shit hit the fan.
I felt miserably nauseous. Like, I-wish-i-would-throw-up-already-and-end-this-pain nauseous. And I felt oddly cold, even though I was wearing street clothes, laying under a comforter, and my skin was incredibly warm to the touch. You know how you can feel so sick that no matter how grown or strong you are you just curl up in the fetal position hugging yourself and whimpering for your mommy? That's how I felt.
The feeling went away after a few hours, thankfully.
Moral of the story: leave the mythbusting to professionals. And eyedrops are poison, so don't spike someones drink with them. You will go to jail.
I turned into a little junior Mythbuster yesterday. I figured eye drops cant be all that bad for you since you put them in your eyes. And since I didn't have anything better to do, I could devote the day to sleeping. So I poured a few drops (okay more like 10) into a 1\4 full energy drink and got to drinking.
Halfway through the concoction, though, a little red light went off in my head as I realized that maybe drinking Visine wasn't the smartest idea. And a quick search online confirmed my fears: Visine can KILL you, kids!
So of course Im shitting bricks because I know I've consumed at least 5 drops and it doesn't take much to make you sick. It is POISON, after all.
For a few moments, I sat in absolute terror. I wanted to tell someone so they could keep an eye out for me. Maybe give a sistah a shake, just to make sure I hadn't passed out or choked on my own vomit. But I knew what I had done was so absolutely stupid that I couldn't tell anybody.
I chugged as much water as possible to dilute the effects. And then I fell asleep (so I guess it DID work). When I woke up the shit hit the fan.
I felt miserably nauseous. Like, I-wish-i-would-throw-up-already-and-end-this-pain nauseous. And I felt oddly cold, even though I was wearing street clothes, laying under a comforter, and my skin was incredibly warm to the touch. You know how you can feel so sick that no matter how grown or strong you are you just curl up in the fetal position hugging yourself and whimpering for your mommy? That's how I felt.
The feeling went away after a few hours, thankfully.
Moral of the story: leave the mythbusting to professionals. And eyedrops are poison, so don't spike someones drink with them. You will go to jail.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Camera + Boredom =
Today I had one of my biggest "cam-whoring" sprees yet.
You know how you take a pic of someone and catch them off guard and those are some of the best pictures ever because you only see that person's true personality in the picture?
Someone tell me how the hell I managed to catch myself off guard??
I was also experimenting with the peace-sign-puckered-lips-DAMN-dis-gurl-got-attitude look.
Oh and before I show you the spawn of my Shitkick camera and intense boredom, I'd like to allow myself a moment to brag: I did my own acrylics, painted on a design on my own, and even applied rhinestones! BY MYSELF, YA'LL! They may not be professional grade, but from a distance I think they look pretty good, and instead of paying the $30 I'd have to pay for this, I only paid $20. And that is going to last me for the next 3 nail jobs. I'm pretty excited right now!
(I'm sorry if I sound conceited...I'm not quite sure what's gotten into me today. I don't usually feel this way about my own work, honest!)
And so, without further ado, I present to you: the Wonderful World of Me (for like the third or fourth time)!
The New Facebook Profile pic, and my third fav of the day
Looks like someone snuck up on me and caught me drinking a Coke, right? WRONG! I took this pic myself =)
Gurl-Got-Attitude #1
The camera could have given me a little pigment in my skin, geez! I look like a Lite Brite!
You may not be able to see the design but I did these myself =)
Decided to give a sad pic
Okay, maybe two. This is my second fav pic of the day
I only chose this one cuz of how my hair looks!
My fav pic of the night!! Love it!
You know how you take a pic of someone and catch them off guard and those are some of the best pictures ever because you only see that person's true personality in the picture?
Someone tell me how the hell I managed to catch myself off guard??
I was also experimenting with the peace-sign-puckered-lips-DAMN-dis-gurl-got-attitude look.
Oh and before I show you the spawn of my Shitkick camera and intense boredom, I'd like to allow myself a moment to brag: I did my own acrylics, painted on a design on my own, and even applied rhinestones! BY MYSELF, YA'LL! They may not be professional grade, but from a distance I think they look pretty good, and instead of paying the $30 I'd have to pay for this, I only paid $20. And that is going to last me for the next 3 nail jobs. I'm pretty excited right now!
(I'm sorry if I sound conceited...I'm not quite sure what's gotten into me today. I don't usually feel this way about my own work, honest!)
And so, without further ado, I present to you: the Wonderful World of Me (for like the third or fourth time)!
The New Facebook Profile pic, and my third fav of the day
Looks like someone snuck up on me and caught me drinking a Coke, right? WRONG! I took this pic myself =)
Gurl-Got-Attitude #1
The camera could have given me a little pigment in my skin, geez! I look like a Lite Brite!
You may not be able to see the design but I did these myself =)
Decided to give a sad pic
Okay, maybe two. This is my second fav pic of the day
I only chose this one cuz of how my hair looks!
My fav pic of the night!! Love it!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Insomniac
It starts off with you feeling like you just can't get comfortable. You're too warm, you're too cold, the pillow's not soft enough. You're hungry but you're too lazy to go to the kitchen for a snack. You think maybe a drink of water would do you good, but if you're not getting up for food you certainly aren't about to get up for water.
You turn the days events over in your head. Then you plan for tomorrow. You think of where you're going and what you're doing. If you have obligations, you think of those. You might contemplate your outfit.
Your mind continues to drift. You start daydreaming (nightdreaming?) and scenarios pop in your head. You mull over how things in your day could have gone differently had you done something different, and you stage out these different scenarios in your head.
You look at the clock...its been an hour since you first laid down and you haven't slept. The little sleep you did get was interrupted by a poorly timed text message, and you're left wondering why your phone can wake you up on vibrate but not on the maximum setting. Now you're starting to feel slightly frantic...you want to be sleep more than anything, but your mind won't relax enough to allow it. You start nervously counting the minutes, not realizing that your increased surveillance of time has made falling asleep much more difficult.
Its time to break out the tricks.
I don't mean sleeping pills, either. I got addicted to Benadryl for a week. It was so bad I had reasoned with myself that I was taking it to prevent sinus problems in the morning. Ha!
Instead, there are three things I do to fall asleep. First, ill read or write until my eyes get sore (hence this post). If that doesn't work, I do a breathing exercise where I breathe in for 7 counts and breathe out for 7 counts continuously. It must help because I never remember falling asleep when doing it. But my favorite thing to do when I can't sleep is eat something cold, preferably a popsicle. I do this because more often than not the only reason I can't sleep is because im too warm. Eating something cold cools my body down quickly and enables me to fall asleep.
What about you? What do you do to fall asleep? Share the wealth!
-----
End note: I think Sidekicks must have united and decided to all be on some bull. Right after I read that Andre's sidekick wasn't letting him comment on people's posts, my sidekick started acting a fool. So Im sorry if I don't respond to your comments or comment on your blog right away...im still reading, I just can't comment right now. Blame it on the Sidekick. Makes me want a G1 even more now...
You turn the days events over in your head. Then you plan for tomorrow. You think of where you're going and what you're doing. If you have obligations, you think of those. You might contemplate your outfit.
Your mind continues to drift. You start daydreaming (nightdreaming?) and scenarios pop in your head. You mull over how things in your day could have gone differently had you done something different, and you stage out these different scenarios in your head.
You look at the clock...its been an hour since you first laid down and you haven't slept. The little sleep you did get was interrupted by a poorly timed text message, and you're left wondering why your phone can wake you up on vibrate but not on the maximum setting. Now you're starting to feel slightly frantic...you want to be sleep more than anything, but your mind won't relax enough to allow it. You start nervously counting the minutes, not realizing that your increased surveillance of time has made falling asleep much more difficult.
Its time to break out the tricks.
I don't mean sleeping pills, either. I got addicted to Benadryl for a week. It was so bad I had reasoned with myself that I was taking it to prevent sinus problems in the morning. Ha!
Instead, there are three things I do to fall asleep. First, ill read or write until my eyes get sore (hence this post). If that doesn't work, I do a breathing exercise where I breathe in for 7 counts and breathe out for 7 counts continuously. It must help because I never remember falling asleep when doing it. But my favorite thing to do when I can't sleep is eat something cold, preferably a popsicle. I do this because more often than not the only reason I can't sleep is because im too warm. Eating something cold cools my body down quickly and enables me to fall asleep.
What about you? What do you do to fall asleep? Share the wealth!
-----
End note: I think Sidekicks must have united and decided to all be on some bull. Right after I read that Andre's sidekick wasn't letting him comment on people's posts, my sidekick started acting a fool. So Im sorry if I don't respond to your comments or comment on your blog right away...im still reading, I just can't comment right now. Blame it on the Sidekick. Makes me want a G1 even more now...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Maybe it was the fiery post I wrote, throwing my faith almost to the wind. Maybe it was my change of atmosphere, and going from the uncomfortable surroundings of all students while im the only one at home to a place where everybody is still at home. Maybe it was the fact that opportunities started opening up when I went home.
Whatever it was, it snuck up, took hold of my sadness, and sucked it away. There is no longer that element of depression in my demeanor, no longer a sign that I am a person bent and burdened by my circumstances.
I think it was hope.
-----
He dropped the battered, torn sock in my lap and looked up at me expectantly. I don't think a boy should be playing with a pink sock, but of course he never listens to me. I don't think he realizes what it means to be gay.
"Want me to pick you up"? I cooed, much like someone would speak to a baby. Apparently im not supposed to talk to him like that, but I don't care. He looked at me with those big adorable eyes and cocked his head. I always wondered if that meant he was listening. I held my hands out toward him, and he stepped backwards shyly, bowing his head. It didn't seem to be fear as much as modesty, as if he wanted to sit in my lap but didn't want to admit it.
I grabbed him under his legs and lifted him into my lap, and he immediately curled up and rested his head on my knee. Big as he is, he always seems to come to rest in my lap perfectly. He let out a shudder and a sigh of comfort and fell asleep.
He is the one who hears me enter the house when I put the key in the door, and the one who will sit at the gate and whimper until I come say hi to him. He remembers me even though I leave him. He sits in my lap quietly, leaving everyone else to wonder what I've got that they don't.
I love my dog.
-----
I want to thank everyone who reads my blog for reading and continuing to come back. And I want to thank all of my blog friends (and yall should know who you are ;]) for continually giving me support and guidance during this very difficult time of my life. You've all come through at the right time. Words can't describe just how thankful I am for you guys. Id be losssttt withoouuttt yoouuuuuu....
=P
-----
I've wrapped my head around the goal of writing a book. I've had this goal for YEARS and have never finished it. I've written at least 3 manuscripts that were close to or exceeded 100 pages and regrettably lost all of them. So Im starting from scratch. Don't be surprised if I start writing in a more narrative voice. And if you're lucky, I might post excerpts. Whenever I stop procrastinating and get started =P
Whatever it was, it snuck up, took hold of my sadness, and sucked it away. There is no longer that element of depression in my demeanor, no longer a sign that I am a person bent and burdened by my circumstances.
I think it was hope.
-----
He dropped the battered, torn sock in my lap and looked up at me expectantly. I don't think a boy should be playing with a pink sock, but of course he never listens to me. I don't think he realizes what it means to be gay.
"Want me to pick you up"? I cooed, much like someone would speak to a baby. Apparently im not supposed to talk to him like that, but I don't care. He looked at me with those big adorable eyes and cocked his head. I always wondered if that meant he was listening. I held my hands out toward him, and he stepped backwards shyly, bowing his head. It didn't seem to be fear as much as modesty, as if he wanted to sit in my lap but didn't want to admit it.
I grabbed him under his legs and lifted him into my lap, and he immediately curled up and rested his head on my knee. Big as he is, he always seems to come to rest in my lap perfectly. He let out a shudder and a sigh of comfort and fell asleep.
He is the one who hears me enter the house when I put the key in the door, and the one who will sit at the gate and whimper until I come say hi to him. He remembers me even though I leave him. He sits in my lap quietly, leaving everyone else to wonder what I've got that they don't.
I love my dog.
-----
I want to thank everyone who reads my blog for reading and continuing to come back. And I want to thank all of my blog friends (and yall should know who you are ;]) for continually giving me support and guidance during this very difficult time of my life. You've all come through at the right time. Words can't describe just how thankful I am for you guys. Id be losssttt withoouuttt yoouuuuuu....
=P
-----
I've wrapped my head around the goal of writing a book. I've had this goal for YEARS and have never finished it. I've written at least 3 manuscripts that were close to or exceeded 100 pages and regrettably lost all of them. So Im starting from scratch. Don't be surprised if I start writing in a more narrative voice. And if you're lucky, I might post excerpts. Whenever I stop procrastinating and get started =P
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Taking Things Into My Own Hands
All right, God, you got me. I don't know who you are and I don't know what you are, but if you really are controlling my life right now and you're the reason I'm going through what I'm going through, then I've got a bone to pick with you.
They say you'll never give me more than I can handle. I don't know what I did to make you think I was so resilient and strong, God, but you're taking this whole "life challenge" thing overboard. I have no choice BUT to accept what curves life throws at me, because the only exit you have out of life is death and that's a one way street I'm not trying to go down right now.
I want to know how many of my life circumstances you were responsible for. Was it you that made my parents divorce? You who made my father nothing more to me than a point on the horizon, untouchable and unreachable? You who allowed the people closest to me to steal from me? Was it you that burned me out during my senior year of high school, a burnout that subsequently led to me not even being in school at all right now? Was it you that kept the employers from calling me, you that took my car away, you that made me so easily influenced by what everyone else thinks of me?
If it was you, then why? What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to make you think that I, of all people in this world, have to go above and beyond to prove that I'm strong enough to handle what you've thrown at me?
So here I stand, angry and confused. You're supposed to be my guiding light, the solution to all my problems. And yet whenever I trust my problems to you, I only end up more disappointed and more upset.
So God I've decided to take my life out of your hands and to take it into my own. I'm sick of waiting around for you to finally decide to make things go right for me. I'm sick of doing what I think I should be doing and leaving the rest up to you. I'm tired of praying to you to make things right, tired of crossing my fingers, tired of looking up to the sky for answers only to get silence in return.
I don't know how much of my life I'm supposed to attribute to you, but I guess that's not something I have to worry about anymore.
As far as this whole "you challenging me"thing goes, continue to send problems my way. You seem to be on a pretty good roll now, so don't stop. Only this time, I'm not falling for the trap of asking you for advice anymore. You give some pretty shitty advice, God. You know what's never been wrong, though? My intuition. I'm going to start listening to that. And you know what? Sometimes I just need to feel like someone cares. Sometimes I need a hug, a shoulder to cry on. I feel like shit on a stick when I cry and I need someone to verbally tell me that everything will be okay. And so far, you've never given me any hugs or rubbed my back or wiped away my tears or even made me feel like things will turn out okay eventually. But my boyfriend has, and has always been there when I needed him without exception. So I'm listening to him. And I'm not always sad...I have friends who make me laugh, friends in person and friends through my blog, people who give me something else to talk about other than what's going on in my own life. So I'm going to continue to laugh with them. I've got a family who has never hesitated to help me when I need it, people in my life who took over when the ones who were SUPPOSED to be doing their job just backed down and left me alone.
Matter of fact, just knowing that I'm doing things for me now makes me feel so much better.
I still have a little faith, skeptical as it may be. I still listen to gospel, and the few times I do go to church I'll still take what the reverend says into consideration. I may even continue to talk to you sometimes when I'm alone and I need nothing but silence.
But I know who matters to me most and who really give me the support I need, and you just aren't making the cut right now.
No hard feelings.
They say you'll never give me more than I can handle. I don't know what I did to make you think I was so resilient and strong, God, but you're taking this whole "life challenge" thing overboard. I have no choice BUT to accept what curves life throws at me, because the only exit you have out of life is death and that's a one way street I'm not trying to go down right now.
I want to know how many of my life circumstances you were responsible for. Was it you that made my parents divorce? You who made my father nothing more to me than a point on the horizon, untouchable and unreachable? You who allowed the people closest to me to steal from me? Was it you that burned me out during my senior year of high school, a burnout that subsequently led to me not even being in school at all right now? Was it you that kept the employers from calling me, you that took my car away, you that made me so easily influenced by what everyone else thinks of me?
If it was you, then why? What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to make you think that I, of all people in this world, have to go above and beyond to prove that I'm strong enough to handle what you've thrown at me?
So here I stand, angry and confused. You're supposed to be my guiding light, the solution to all my problems. And yet whenever I trust my problems to you, I only end up more disappointed and more upset.
So God I've decided to take my life out of your hands and to take it into my own. I'm sick of waiting around for you to finally decide to make things go right for me. I'm sick of doing what I think I should be doing and leaving the rest up to you. I'm tired of praying to you to make things right, tired of crossing my fingers, tired of looking up to the sky for answers only to get silence in return.
I don't know how much of my life I'm supposed to attribute to you, but I guess that's not something I have to worry about anymore.
As far as this whole "you challenging me"thing goes, continue to send problems my way. You seem to be on a pretty good roll now, so don't stop. Only this time, I'm not falling for the trap of asking you for advice anymore. You give some pretty shitty advice, God. You know what's never been wrong, though? My intuition. I'm going to start listening to that. And you know what? Sometimes I just need to feel like someone cares. Sometimes I need a hug, a shoulder to cry on. I feel like shit on a stick when I cry and I need someone to verbally tell me that everything will be okay. And so far, you've never given me any hugs or rubbed my back or wiped away my tears or even made me feel like things will turn out okay eventually. But my boyfriend has, and has always been there when I needed him without exception. So I'm listening to him. And I'm not always sad...I have friends who make me laugh, friends in person and friends through my blog, people who give me something else to talk about other than what's going on in my own life. So I'm going to continue to laugh with them. I've got a family who has never hesitated to help me when I need it, people in my life who took over when the ones who were SUPPOSED to be doing their job just backed down and left me alone.
Matter of fact, just knowing that I'm doing things for me now makes me feel so much better.
I still have a little faith, skeptical as it may be. I still listen to gospel, and the few times I do go to church I'll still take what the reverend says into consideration. I may even continue to talk to you sometimes when I'm alone and I need nothing but silence.
But I know who matters to me most and who really give me the support I need, and you just aren't making the cut right now.
No hard feelings.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Going Home Again
Well, I'm heading back to the Chi today, for what could be the next few months.
I don't want to go. I mean, my friends are out here, and I'm scared that if I leave here I'll never come back. I mean, I've somehow got to pull almost $8,000 out my ass by really the end of this month to even have a chance at being back here, and I'm just not seeing how that's gonna happen.
I'm going back to Chicago to get a job, and that's why I'm so afraid. What if I get a really good job that I don't want to leave? I'll have followed the path of so many before me, so many people who went to college and dropped out. I don't want to think of myself as a dropout, not when I love school so much. But that's how I feel. And I don't want to go to any other school than NIU, especially because if I go anywhere else I'll be a full year and a half behind everyone else (since my credits won't transfer). But I don't have a lot of options now.
I'll still be online since the Sidekick has internet, but I won't be posting nearly as much as I was before (and I've been slacking on that, so that's saying something).
I just hope this all works out.
I don't want to go. I mean, my friends are out here, and I'm scared that if I leave here I'll never come back. I mean, I've somehow got to pull almost $8,000 out my ass by really the end of this month to even have a chance at being back here, and I'm just not seeing how that's gonna happen.
I'm going back to Chicago to get a job, and that's why I'm so afraid. What if I get a really good job that I don't want to leave? I'll have followed the path of so many before me, so many people who went to college and dropped out. I don't want to think of myself as a dropout, not when I love school so much. But that's how I feel. And I don't want to go to any other school than NIU, especially because if I go anywhere else I'll be a full year and a half behind everyone else (since my credits won't transfer). But I don't have a lot of options now.
I'll still be online since the Sidekick has internet, but I won't be posting nearly as much as I was before (and I've been slacking on that, so that's saying something).
I just hope this all works out.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
What's This "Soda"? It's Called POP!!
Do the Dew!!!
Let me start out by saying I'm not an avid Mountain Dew drinker. I prefer Sierra Mist and Sprite to Mountain Dew any day. But as far as these new flavors are going, Mountain Dew is KILLING!
First I tried Mountain Dew Revolution (the one on the far right). I was at a gas station and saw it and was thirsty, so I decided to give it a try. It was good enough for me to want to get one every time I went to the gas station. It tasted like a slightly less powerful blue Amp...basically, it tasted like blueberry pop. My curiosity was piqued...I wanted to taste the other two flavors.
It took a few weeks before I came across Supernova, but as soon as I saw it I KNEW I had to cop it. Supernova tastes like a slightly less powerful red Amp. If Koolaid comes in strawberry, that's what Supernova would taste like. I should probably clarify that I don't know what flavors Koolaid comes in because I only pay attention to the color (You got some red koolaid? Naw, I don't like the green one, how about that blue one??).
Again, weeks passed, and I stuck with Supernova, unable to find Revolution or the mysterious third flavor. Until today, when I discovered Voltage. Voltage is supposed to be Raspberry Citrus but it tastes like grape Amp, which isn't a bad thing.
By the way, I just discovered that Mountain Dew and Amp are both made by Pepsi (just happened to have an Amp in the fridge) which explains why I can't help but compare these new flavors to Amp.
If you're a pop drinker, and you liked Code Red and Livewire (two very good flavors, I might add), then give these new flavors a try. Apparently people are supposed to vote on which one they like the most. I wish all three would stay on the shelves; they're all really good.
Let me start out by saying I'm not an avid Mountain Dew drinker. I prefer Sierra Mist and Sprite to Mountain Dew any day. But as far as these new flavors are going, Mountain Dew is KILLING!
First I tried Mountain Dew Revolution (the one on the far right). I was at a gas station and saw it and was thirsty, so I decided to give it a try. It was good enough for me to want to get one every time I went to the gas station. It tasted like a slightly less powerful blue Amp...basically, it tasted like blueberry pop. My curiosity was piqued...I wanted to taste the other two flavors.
It took a few weeks before I came across Supernova, but as soon as I saw it I KNEW I had to cop it. Supernova tastes like a slightly less powerful red Amp. If Koolaid comes in strawberry, that's what Supernova would taste like. I should probably clarify that I don't know what flavors Koolaid comes in because I only pay attention to the color (You got some red koolaid? Naw, I don't like the green one, how about that blue one??).
Again, weeks passed, and I stuck with Supernova, unable to find Revolution or the mysterious third flavor. Until today, when I discovered Voltage. Voltage is supposed to be Raspberry Citrus but it tastes like grape Amp, which isn't a bad thing.
By the way, I just discovered that Mountain Dew and Amp are both made by Pepsi (just happened to have an Amp in the fridge) which explains why I can't help but compare these new flavors to Amp.
If you're a pop drinker, and you liked Code Red and Livewire (two very good flavors, I might add), then give these new flavors a try. Apparently people are supposed to vote on which one they like the most. I wish all three would stay on the shelves; they're all really good.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Day History Was Made
People will ask: where were you when it happened?
I was in my living room when CNN projected he was the winner. The room was in a state of suspended disbelief: was it true? Had he really been elected? I didn't want to believe it so soon; I didn't want to be disappointed. And then, the camera went to John McCain's concession speech, and I knew it was over.
The jumping and screaming and yelling didn't happen until later last night, when I went outside to see a HUGE group of people just smiling and cheering and screaming and running through the streets. People in their cars rode around blasting "My President Is Black" and hanging out their windows.
But the realization of it all, the history that we had just made didn't hit until this morning when I watched the news and suddenly tears came to my eyes, tears that are starting to come back even now. We have a black president. Just sit for a moment and let that sink in.
We have come SO far from the days when black people couldn't go to school or drink from the same water fountains as whites and couldn't vote to having a black man in office. I'm sure there are so many older people who lived through the civil rights movement who were just crying their eyes out to see this (I know Jesse Jackson cried).
A black man from the south side of Chicago is now going to be the President of the United States.
If that's not progress, I don't know what is.
Congratulations to our new President, Barack Obama!!!!
I was in my living room when CNN projected he was the winner. The room was in a state of suspended disbelief: was it true? Had he really been elected? I didn't want to believe it so soon; I didn't want to be disappointed. And then, the camera went to John McCain's concession speech, and I knew it was over.
The jumping and screaming and yelling didn't happen until later last night, when I went outside to see a HUGE group of people just smiling and cheering and screaming and running through the streets. People in their cars rode around blasting "My President Is Black" and hanging out their windows.
But the realization of it all, the history that we had just made didn't hit until this morning when I watched the news and suddenly tears came to my eyes, tears that are starting to come back even now. We have a black president. Just sit for a moment and let that sink in.
We have come SO far from the days when black people couldn't go to school or drink from the same water fountains as whites and couldn't vote to having a black man in office. I'm sure there are so many older people who lived through the civil rights movement who were just crying their eyes out to see this (I know Jesse Jackson cried).
A black man from the south side of Chicago is now going to be the President of the United States.
If that's not progress, I don't know what is.
Congratulations to our new President, Barack Obama!!!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Anthem Of The Week
I'm busy watching the election coverage right now, so I'm not gonna spend an insane amount of time blogging. This song, though, is worth mentioning. It's definitely my Anthem of the Week not only because I've been listening to it nonstop since I first heard it this weekend, but because the beat just perfectly describes a beat I'd love. Here, just listen to it for yourself...
By the way, this song is called "Cash Flow" by Ace Hood. This is a ridin song for real!!
By the way, this song is called "Cash Flow" by Ace Hood. This is a ridin song for real!!
Monday, November 3, 2008
You Can Vote However You Liiiiikeee
If you've never taken the time to watch anything else I've ever posted here, never taken the time to read anything I've had to say, never listened to any of my recommendations (then again, if you didn't do any of that, why are you here?), then for your own sake watch this video.
Students at Ron Clark Academy made probably the best politics song I've heard since School House Rock. I know I can get hype about some things (read: the T-Mobile G1, which I'm STILL drooling over) but this video definitely melted my heart.
Note: it's funny they say "we can vote however we want" even though they're DEFINITELY like 12. But it's still nice to see that youth are at least somewhat educated about politics and what's going on, even if they can't vote yet. It's a lot more than a lot of REGISTERED VOTERS can say.
Obama on the left, McCain on the right, we can talk politics all night and YOU CAN VOTE HOWEVER YOU LIKE!!
Major shout out Bushra for putting me on this video!!!
Please, everyone, vote tomorrow. History is in the making...why not help make it?
Students at Ron Clark Academy made probably the best politics song I've heard since School House Rock. I know I can get hype about some things (read: the T-Mobile G1, which I'm STILL drooling over) but this video definitely melted my heart.
Note: it's funny they say "we can vote however we want" even though they're DEFINITELY like 12. But it's still nice to see that youth are at least somewhat educated about politics and what's going on, even if they can't vote yet. It's a lot more than a lot of REGISTERED VOTERS can say.
Obama on the left, McCain on the right, we can talk politics all night and YOU CAN VOTE HOWEVER YOU LIKE!!
Major shout out Bushra for putting me on this video!!!
Please, everyone, vote tomorrow. History is in the making...why not help make it?
Where'd They Go?
I was initially gonna post about my Swag On Ten songs, but realized my list wasn't quite developed enough for that, and I'm not in a "swag" mood... I'm more of a club banger type mood. So today we explore the question: Where'd They Go?
All the artists I'm about to present released a song or maybe even a couple of songs that had everyone jumpin, poppin, whatever. These songs made you think that maybe the artist had some potential...and then they go and disappear from the face of the earth.
1. Cadillac Don and J-Money - Peanut Butter and Jelly
Cadillac Don and J Money released one album, Look At Me...and it was absolutely horrible. With the exception of the intro and like three other songs, this cd sucked, and maybe that's where their career went.
And did anybody else find it odd that ol' dude's name was Cadillac Don but he said he only rides Chevys...dude needs to get consistent...
2. One Chance - Look At Her
First of all, these guys could sing. And they could dance. And they were fine! They had all the makings to be the next B2K. But where did they go?
I know ya'll remember this song. I love this video...that coordinated jump thing was hot!! I wish I could do that!
Look At Her
3. Purple Ribbon All-Stars - Kryptonite
Where did these guys go? Kryptonite was that jam, and I love Body Rock (the song they play at the end of the video). Don't remember the song or the video? Have no fear, I've got it posted right here:
Kryptonite (Dirty Version)
4. D4L - Betcha Can't
Yes, D4L was more than a one hit wonder. They actually came out with a song with the Alliance not long ago (that Tatted Up song...c'mon now, don't tell me that song didn't make you want to get to a tattoo parlor IMMEDIATELY just so you could feel justified singing the song). But now we got Shawty Lo off doing his own thang (they know, they know), and I'm wondering where the group has disappeared to!
I would have chosen Laffy Taffy, but I thought this song was better. Not to mention they play a little Laffy Taffy at the end of the video, so you get the best of both worlds.
5. Jibbs - Chain Hang Low
This is the song that forever changed the way I sang the ice cream truck song. The idea was genius, I won't lie, and paved the way for more songs of it's kind. Jibbs didn't disappear immediately, coming out with King Kong, but it was nothing compared to this ghetto Chain Hang Low.
And here my list ends for the night. I'll have more songs next week...or whenever I'm not too lazy to make a new list, whichever comes second =).
All the artists I'm about to present released a song or maybe even a couple of songs that had everyone jumpin, poppin, whatever. These songs made you think that maybe the artist had some potential...and then they go and disappear from the face of the earth.
1. Cadillac Don and J-Money - Peanut Butter and Jelly
Cadillac Don and J Money released one album, Look At Me...and it was absolutely horrible. With the exception of the intro and like three other songs, this cd sucked, and maybe that's where their career went.
And did anybody else find it odd that ol' dude's name was Cadillac Don but he said he only rides Chevys...dude needs to get consistent...
2. One Chance - Look At Her
First of all, these guys could sing. And they could dance. And they were fine! They had all the makings to be the next B2K. But where did they go?
I know ya'll remember this song. I love this video...that coordinated jump thing was hot!! I wish I could do that!
Look At Her
3. Purple Ribbon All-Stars - Kryptonite
Where did these guys go? Kryptonite was that jam, and I love Body Rock (the song they play at the end of the video). Don't remember the song or the video? Have no fear, I've got it posted right here:
Kryptonite (Dirty Version)
4. D4L - Betcha Can't
Yes, D4L was more than a one hit wonder. They actually came out with a song with the Alliance not long ago (that Tatted Up song...c'mon now, don't tell me that song didn't make you want to get to a tattoo parlor IMMEDIATELY just so you could feel justified singing the song). But now we got Shawty Lo off doing his own thang (they know, they know), and I'm wondering where the group has disappeared to!
I would have chosen Laffy Taffy, but I thought this song was better. Not to mention they play a little Laffy Taffy at the end of the video, so you get the best of both worlds.
5. Jibbs - Chain Hang Low
This is the song that forever changed the way I sang the ice cream truck song. The idea was genius, I won't lie, and paved the way for more songs of it's kind. Jibbs didn't disappear immediately, coming out with King Kong, but it was nothing compared to this ghetto Chain Hang Low.
And here my list ends for the night. I'll have more songs next week...or whenever I'm not too lazy to make a new list, whichever comes second =).
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Feelin' Kinda Sunday
Hey Mr. Sunlight,
Gonna outshine your bright
It's just the beginning of a happy go fun day
(happy go fun day)
and I'm feelin' kinda Sunday (Sunday)
Feelin kinda Sunday (Sunday)
Feelin kinda Sunday
I'm so there
La, la la la, la la laaaaa!!
Gonna outshine your bright
It's just the beginning of a happy go fun day
(happy go fun day)
and I'm feelin' kinda Sunday (Sunday)
Feelin kinda Sunday (Sunday)
Feelin kinda Sunday
I'm so there
La, la la la, la la laaaaa!!
If you're not aware of what nonsense I'm talking about, it's the song from the State Farm commercial they play when the football game is on. I get to see that commercial a few times every Sunday when I watch the Bears game, and it never gets old. I love it.
Matter of fact, here's the commercial so you can see it for yourself:
Honestly, I don't know why I love it so much. Maybe because every time I hear it, I get in the football mood.
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flack <-- Thrown in by Big Bro as I was trying to blog. I tell you about these distractions!
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I experienced sadness at a player being hurt for the first time today.
Kyle Orton, starting quarterback for the Bears (and much better than Rex Grossman, in my opinion) was doing excellent as usual. He had actually just run his very first touchdown rush in his career, and you could see how excited and happy he was to do it. It was a good play.
And then, a few plays later, he got injured. He had the ball, was down, and some guy from the Lions clocked him in the leg and hurt him. We sat in suspense, and I'm sure we were thinking what everyone in the stands or on the Bears team was thinking: "Get up, Kyle, c'mon, get up!"
And he got up, and we cheered. He talked shit to the guys who hit him. He limped a few steps, and hit the ground again. There was no way he was walking off the field. And for a whole minute, as the action unfolded in real time, a sense of shock and sadness gripped the field and I'm sure those watching at home; it certainly gripped us. The camera panned to Bears fans covering their mouths; one woman looked like she was crying or on the verge of tears. And Kyle was given a standing ovation as he was driven off the field.
Kyle Orton isn't the best quarterback in the NFL, but he's been having one hell of a season this year. Every game he just seems to show more and more that he should have been starting quarterback all along.
I just hope he gets well soon.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
FAIL
You know how now they have these funny pictures online of things where people do stupid things, and then they have a huge FAIL somewhere just to make things even worse?
That's what I felt like earlier today.
If you'll notice, my blog looks a little different. The picture has changed, the description has changed, and my link list is noticeably shorter.
Why? Because I tried to change my template yet again, and ended up with a great big FAIL.
I lost almost all of my widgets. The only things I maintained were my shoutbox and my followers list. All I wanted to keep consistent was my link list, because that takes the most time to update.
So if you look on my list and you're not there, don't fret or get mad. Just drop me a comment and I'll add you.
I'm going to keep messing around with the theme of this blog because, as we all know, I can't stick to one theme for more than a few months, and it's definitely past it's limit.
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