Under My Skin

*Sigh*

You're trying real hard right about now to get to me, and the fact of the matter is...its working. A little bit. You know I know what's going on (and if you didn't...now you do). I've got a lot more connections than you think I do, and I know SO much more than I'm letting on. But that's beside the point.

I can't tell whether all this is something you really just chose to do or if its just for my benefit. I get the feeling its more the latter than the former, but what do I know, right? I mean, I was right all along about everything, but for some reason you still wanted to play it to the left and pretend like I was talking out the side of my neck. I knew what I was talking about when I noticed the things I noticed about you and *the other*. I'm no dummy. I've been through some foolishness in my life and I already know what bullshit smells like. So you may have gotten away with murder for a while, but eventually I got smart.

It probably makes you real happy to think you've gotten under my skin. I just don't want you to flatter yourself. Yes, I'm slightly bothered by this whole situation. Yes, I'm fully aware that in the bigger scheme of things this shouldn't be an issue seeing as "we" are not a "we" anymore. I'm also fully aware that I am human, and being human means having the ability to feel emotion...so I'm entitled to a raised eyebrow, a loss of a few points on the self-esteem scale, and maybe a pang of anger. Im entitled to an "I cant believe THAT happened" moment or two.

But the one thing I don't feel is regret...and truth be told, regarding you I never will. And unlike a lot of people, I've learned to control my emotions to an extent. Its hard, and it doesn't protect me against knee-jerk reactions to the things you do. What it DOES do, however, is prevent me from allowing other people to determine how im going to feel. Granted, you used to have the power to turn that safety mechanism of mine off. But I've got my power back.

And as always, I still find this all quite humorous. But, do what you do homie as long as you do what you're doing for YOU and not for my benefit. Think about it this way: if you're doing things just to get a reaction from me, who's REALLY got the upper hand?