Monday, November 24, 2008

Have you ever heard of the Visine trick? Its thought that putting a little Visine in someone's drink will put them to sleep.

I turned into a little junior Mythbuster yesterday. I figured eye drops cant be all that bad for you since you put them in your eyes. And since I didn't have anything better to do, I could devote the day to sleeping. So I poured a few drops (okay more like 10) into a 1\4 full energy drink and got to drinking.

Halfway through the concoction, though, a little red light went off in my head as I realized that maybe drinking Visine wasn't the smartest idea. And a quick search online confirmed my fears: Visine can KILL you, kids!

So of course Im shitting bricks because I know I've consumed at least 5 drops and it doesn't take much to make you sick. It is POISON, after all.

For a few moments, I sat in absolute terror. I wanted to tell someone so they could keep an eye out for me. Maybe give a sistah a shake, just to make sure I hadn't passed out or choked on my own vomit. But I knew what I had done was so absolutely stupid that I couldn't tell anybody.

I chugged as much water as possible to dilute the effects. And then I fell asleep (so I guess it DID work). When I woke up the shit hit the fan.

I felt miserably nauseous. Like, I-wish-i-would-throw-up-already-and-end-this-pain nauseous. And I felt oddly cold, even though I was wearing street clothes, laying under a comforter, and my skin was incredibly warm to the touch. You know how you can feel so sick that no matter how grown or strong you are you just curl up in the fetal position hugging yourself and whimpering for your mommy? That's how I felt.

The feeling went away after a few hours, thankfully.

Moral of the story: leave the mythbusting to professionals. And eyedrops are poison, so don't spike someones drink with them. You will go to jail.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Camera + Boredom =

Today I had one of my biggest "cam-whoring" sprees yet.

You know how you take a pic of someone and catch them off guard and those are some of the best pictures ever because you only see that person's true personality in the picture?

Someone tell me how the hell I managed to catch myself off guard??

I was also experimenting with the peace-sign-puckered-lips-DAMN-dis-gurl-got-attitude look.

Oh and before I show you the spawn of my Shitkick camera and intense boredom, I'd like to allow myself a moment to brag: I did my own acrylics, painted on a design on my own, and even applied rhinestones! BY MYSELF, YA'LL! They may not be professional grade, but from a distance I think they look pretty good, and instead of paying the $30 I'd have to pay for this, I only paid $20. And that is going to last me for the next 3 nail jobs. I'm pretty excited right now!

(I'm sorry if I sound conceited...I'm not quite sure what's gotten into me today. I don't usually feel this way about my own work, honest!)

And so, without further ado, I present to you: the Wonderful World of Me (for like the third or fourth time)!

The New Facebook Profile pic, and my third fav of the day

Looks like someone snuck up on me and caught me drinking a Coke, right? WRONG! I took this pic myself =)

Gurl-Got-Attitude #1

The camera could have given me a little pigment in my skin, geez! I look like a Lite Brite!

You may not be able to see the design but I did these myself =)

Decided to give a sad pic

Okay, maybe two. This is my second fav pic of the day

I only chose this one cuz of how my hair looks!

My fav pic of the night!! Love it!

Saturday, November 15, 2008


It starts off with you feeling like you just can't get comfortable. You're too warm, you're too cold, the pillow's not soft enough. You're hungry but you're too lazy to go to the kitchen for a snack. You think maybe a drink of water would do you good, but if you're not getting up for food you certainly aren't about to get up for water.

You turn the days events over in your head. Then you plan for tomorrow. You think of where you're going and what you're doing. If you have obligations, you think of those. You might contemplate your outfit.

Your mind continues to drift. You start daydreaming (nightdreaming?) and scenarios pop in your head. You mull over how things in your day could have gone differently had you done something different, and you stage out these different scenarios in your head.

You look at the clock...its been an hour since you first laid down and you haven't slept. The little sleep you did get was interrupted by a poorly timed text message, and you're left wondering why your phone can wake you up on vibrate but not on the maximum setting. Now you're starting to feel slightly want to be sleep more than anything, but your mind won't relax enough to allow it. You start nervously counting the minutes, not realizing that your increased surveillance of time has made falling asleep much more difficult.

Its time to break out the tricks.

I don't mean sleeping pills, either. I got addicted to Benadryl for a week. It was so bad I had reasoned with myself that I was taking it to prevent sinus problems in the morning. Ha!

Instead, there are three things I do to fall asleep. First, ill read or write until my eyes get sore (hence this post). If that doesn't work, I do a breathing exercise where I breathe in for 7 counts and breathe out for 7 counts continuously. It must help because I never remember falling asleep when doing it. But my favorite thing to do when I can't sleep is eat something cold, preferably a popsicle. I do this because more often than not the only reason I can't sleep is because im too warm. Eating something cold cools my body down quickly and enables me to fall asleep.

What about you? What do you do to fall asleep? Share the wealth!


End note: I think Sidekicks must have united and decided to all be on some bull. Right after I read that Andre's sidekick wasn't letting him comment on people's posts, my sidekick started acting a fool. So Im sorry if I don't respond to your comments or comment on your blog right still reading, I just can't comment right now. Blame it on the Sidekick. Makes me want a G1 even more now...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Maybe it was the fiery post I wrote, throwing my faith almost to the wind. Maybe it was my change of atmosphere, and going from the uncomfortable surroundings of all students while im the only one at home to a place where everybody is still at home. Maybe it was the fact that opportunities started opening up when I went home.

Whatever it was, it snuck up, took hold of my sadness, and sucked it away. There is no longer that element of depression in my demeanor, no longer a sign that I am a person bent and burdened by my circumstances.

I think it was hope.


He dropped the battered, torn sock in my lap and looked up at me expectantly. I don't think a boy should be playing with a pink sock, but of course he never listens to me. I don't think he realizes what it means to be gay.

"Want me to pick you up"? I cooed, much like someone would speak to a baby. Apparently im not supposed to talk to him like that, but I don't care. He looked at me with those big adorable eyes and cocked his head. I always wondered if that meant he was listening. I held my hands out toward him, and he stepped backwards shyly, bowing his head. It didn't seem to be fear as much as modesty, as if he wanted to sit in my lap but didn't want to admit it.

I grabbed him under his legs and lifted him into my lap, and he immediately curled up and rested his head on my knee. Big as he is, he always seems to come to rest in my lap perfectly. He let out a shudder and a sigh of comfort and fell asleep.

He is the one who hears me enter the house when I put the key in the door, and the one who will sit at the gate and whimper until I come say hi to him. He remembers me even though I leave him. He sits in my lap quietly, leaving everyone else to wonder what I've got that they don't.

I love my dog.


I want to thank everyone who reads my blog for reading and continuing to come back. And I want to thank all of my blog friends (and yall should know who you are ;]) for continually giving me support and guidance during this very difficult time of my life. You've all come through at the right time. Words can't describe just how thankful I am for you guys. Id be losssttt withoouuttt yoouuuuuu....


I've wrapped my head around the goal of writing a book. I've had this goal for YEARS and have never finished it. I've written at least 3 manuscripts that were close to or exceeded 100 pages and regrettably lost all of them. So Im starting from scratch. Don't be surprised if I start writing in a more narrative voice. And if you're lucky, I might post excerpts. Whenever I stop procrastinating and get started =P

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Taking Things Into My Own Hands

All right, God, you got me. I don't know who you are and I don't know what you are, but if you really are controlling my life right now and you're the reason I'm going through what I'm going through, then I've got a bone to pick with you.

They say you'll never give me more than I can handle. I don't know what I did to make you think I was so resilient and strong, God, but you're taking this whole "life challenge" thing overboard. I have no choice BUT to accept what curves life throws at me, because the only exit you have out of life is death and that's a one way street I'm not trying to go down right now.

I want to know how many of my life circumstances you were responsible for. Was it you that made my parents divorce? You who made my father nothing more to me than a point on the horizon, untouchable and unreachable? You who allowed the people closest to me to steal from me? Was it you that burned me out during my senior year of high school, a burnout that subsequently led to me not even being in school at all right now? Was it you that kept the employers from calling me, you that took my car away, you that made me so easily influenced by what everyone else thinks of me?

If it was you, then why? What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to make you think that I, of all people in this world, have to go above and beyond to prove that I'm strong enough to handle what you've thrown at me?

So here I stand, angry and confused. You're supposed to be my guiding light, the solution to all my problems. And yet whenever I trust my problems to you, I only end up more disappointed and more upset.

So God I've decided to take my life out of your hands and to take it into my own. I'm sick of waiting around for you to finally decide to make things go right for me. I'm sick of doing what I think I should be doing and leaving the rest up to you. I'm tired of praying to you to make things right, tired of crossing my fingers, tired of looking up to the sky for answers only to get silence in return.

I don't know how much of my life I'm supposed to attribute to you, but I guess that's not something I have to worry about anymore.

As far as this whole "you challenging me"thing goes, continue to send problems my way. You seem to be on a pretty good roll now, so don't stop. Only this time, I'm not falling for the trap of asking you for advice anymore. You give some pretty shitty advice, God. You know what's never been wrong, though? My intuition. I'm going to start listening to that. And you know what? Sometimes I just need to feel like someone cares. Sometimes I need a hug, a shoulder to cry on. I feel like shit on a stick when I cry and I need someone to verbally tell me that everything will be okay. And so far, you've never given me any hugs or rubbed my back or wiped away my tears or even made me feel like things will turn out okay eventually. But my boyfriend has, and has always been there when I needed him without exception. So I'm listening to him. And I'm not always sad...I have friends who make me laugh, friends in person and friends through my blog, people who give me something else to talk about other than what's going on in my own life. So I'm going to continue to laugh with them. I've got a family who has never hesitated to help me when I need it, people in my life who took over when the ones who were SUPPOSED to be doing their job just backed down and left me alone.

Matter of fact, just knowing that I'm doing things for me now makes me feel so much better.

I still have a little faith, skeptical as it may be. I still listen to gospel, and the few times I do go to church I'll still take what the reverend says into consideration. I may even continue to talk to you sometimes when I'm alone and I need nothing but silence.

But I know who matters to me most and who really give me the support I need, and you just aren't making the cut right now.

No hard feelings.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Going Home Again

Well, I'm heading back to the Chi today, for what could be the next few months.

I don't want to go. I mean, my friends are out here, and I'm scared that if I leave here I'll never come back. I mean, I've somehow got to pull almost $8,000 out my ass by really the end of this month to even have a chance at being back here, and I'm just not seeing how that's gonna happen.

I'm going back to Chicago to get a job, and that's why I'm so afraid. What if I get a really good job that I don't want to leave? I'll have followed the path of so many before me, so many people who went to college and dropped out. I don't want to think of myself as a dropout, not when I love school so much. But that's how I feel. And I don't want to go to any other school than NIU, especially because if I go anywhere else I'll be a full year and a half behind everyone else (since my credits won't transfer). But I don't have a lot of options now.

I'll still be online since the Sidekick has internet, but I won't be posting nearly as much as I was before (and I've been slacking on that, so that's saying something).

I just hope this all works out.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

What's This "Soda"? It's Called POP!!

Do the Dew!!!

Let me start out by saying I'm not an avid Mountain Dew drinker. I prefer Sierra Mist and Sprite to Mountain Dew any day. But as far as these new flavors are going, Mountain Dew is KILLING!

First I tried Mountain Dew Revolution (the one on the far right). I was at a gas station and saw it and was thirsty, so I decided to give it a try. It was good enough for me to want to get one every time I went to the gas station. It tasted like a slightly less powerful blue Amp...basically, it tasted like blueberry pop. My curiosity was piqued...I wanted to taste the other two flavors.

It took a few weeks before I came across Supernova, but as soon as I saw it I KNEW I had to cop it. Supernova tastes like a slightly less powerful red Amp. If Koolaid comes in strawberry, that's what Supernova would taste like. I should probably clarify that I don't know what flavors Koolaid comes in because I only pay attention to the color (You got some red koolaid? Naw, I don't like the green one, how about that blue one??).

Again, weeks passed, and I stuck with Supernova, unable to find Revolution or the mysterious third flavor. Until today, when I discovered Voltage. Voltage is supposed to be Raspberry Citrus but it tastes like grape Amp, which isn't a bad thing.

By the way, I just discovered that Mountain Dew and Amp are both made by Pepsi (just happened to have an Amp in the fridge) which explains why I can't help but compare these new flavors to Amp.

If you're a pop drinker, and you liked Code Red and Livewire (two very good flavors, I might add), then give these new flavors a try. Apparently people are supposed to vote on which one they like the most. I wish all three would stay on the shelves; they're all really good.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Day History Was Made

People will ask: where were you when it happened?

I was in my living room when CNN projected he was the winner. The room was in a state of suspended disbelief: was it true? Had he really been elected? I didn't want to believe it so soon; I didn't want to be disappointed. And then, the camera went to John McCain's concession speech, and I knew it was over.

The jumping and screaming and yelling didn't happen until later last night, when I went outside to see a HUGE group of people just smiling and cheering and screaming and running through the streets. People in their cars rode around blasting "My President Is Black" and hanging out their windows.

But the realization of it all, the history that we had just made didn't hit until this morning when I watched the news and suddenly tears came to my eyes, tears that are starting to come back even now. We have a black president. Just sit for a moment and let that sink in.

We have come SO far from the days when black people couldn't go to school or drink from the same water fountains as whites and couldn't vote to having a black man in office. I'm sure there are so many older people who lived through the civil rights movement who were just crying their eyes out to see this (I know Jesse Jackson cried).

A black man from the south side of Chicago is now going to be the President of the United States.

If that's not progress, I don't know what is.

Congratulations to our new President, Barack Obama!!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Anthem Of The Week

I'm busy watching the election coverage right now, so I'm not gonna spend an insane amount of time blogging. This song, though, is worth mentioning. It's definitely my Anthem of the Week not only because I've been listening to it nonstop since I first heard it this weekend, but because the beat just perfectly describes a beat I'd love. Here, just listen to it for yourself...

By the way, this song is called "Cash Flow" by Ace Hood. This is a ridin song for real!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

You Can Vote However You Liiiiikeee

If you've never taken the time to watch anything else I've ever posted here, never taken the time to read anything I've had to say, never listened to any of my recommendations (then again, if you didn't do any of that, why are you here?), then for your own sake watch this video.

Students at Ron Clark Academy made probably the best politics song I've heard since School House Rock. I know I can get hype about some things (read: the T-Mobile G1, which I'm STILL drooling over) but this video definitely melted my heart.

Note: it's funny they say "we can vote however we want" even though they're DEFINITELY like 12. But it's still nice to see that youth are at least somewhat educated about politics and what's going on, even if they can't vote yet. It's a lot more than a lot of REGISTERED VOTERS can say.

Obama on the left, McCain on the right, we can talk politics all night and YOU CAN VOTE HOWEVER YOU LIKE!!

Major shout out Bushra for putting me on this video!!!

Please, everyone, vote tomorrow. History is in the making...why not help make it?

Where'd They Go?

I was initially gonna post about my Swag On Ten songs, but realized my list wasn't quite developed enough for that, and I'm not in a "swag" mood... I'm more of a club banger type mood. So today we explore the question: Where'd They Go?

All the artists I'm about to present released a song or maybe even a couple of songs that had everyone jumpin, poppin, whatever. These songs made you think that maybe the artist had some potential...and then they go and disappear from the face of the earth.

1. Cadillac Don and J-Money - Peanut Butter and Jelly

Cadillac Don and J Money released one album, Look At Me...and it was absolutely horrible. With the exception of the intro and like three other songs, this cd sucked, and maybe that's where their career went.

And did anybody else find it odd that ol' dude's name was Cadillac Don but he said he only rides Chevys...dude needs to get consistent...

2. One Chance - Look At Her

First of all, these guys could sing. And they could dance. And they were fine! They had all the makings to be the next B2K. But where did they go?

I know ya'll remember this song. I love this video...that coordinated jump thing was hot!! I wish I could do that!

Look At Her

3. Purple Ribbon All-Stars - Kryptonite

Where did these guys go? Kryptonite was that jam, and I love Body Rock (the song they play at the end of the video). Don't remember the song or the video? Have no fear, I've got it posted right here:

Kryptonite (Dirty Version)

4. D4L - Betcha Can't

Yes, D4L was more than a one hit wonder. They actually came out with a song with the Alliance not long ago (that Tatted Up song...c'mon now, don't tell me that song didn't make you want to get to a tattoo parlor IMMEDIATELY just so you could feel justified singing the song). But now we got Shawty Lo off doing his own thang (they know, they know), and I'm wondering where the group has disappeared to!

I would have chosen Laffy Taffy, but I thought this song was better. Not to mention they play a little Laffy Taffy at the end of the video, so you get the best of both worlds.

5. Jibbs - Chain Hang Low

This is the song that forever changed the way I sang the ice cream truck song. The idea was genius, I won't lie, and paved the way for more songs of it's kind. Jibbs didn't disappear immediately, coming out with King Kong, but it was nothing compared to this ghetto Chain Hang Low.

And here my list ends for the night. I'll have more songs next week...or whenever I'm not too lazy to make a new list, whichever comes second =).

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Feelin' Kinda Sunday

Hey Mr. Sunlight,
Gonna outshine your bright
It's just the beginning of a happy go fun day
(happy go fun day)
and I'm feelin' kinda Sunday (Sunday)
Feelin kinda Sunday (Sunday)
Feelin kinda Sunday
I'm so there
La, la la la, la la laaaaa!!

If you're not aware of what nonsense I'm talking about, it's the song from the State Farm commercial they play when the football game is on. I get to see that commercial a few times every Sunday when I watch the Bears game, and it never gets old. I love it.

Matter of fact, here's the commercial so you can see it for yourself:

Honestly, I don't know why I love it so much. Maybe because every time I hear it, I get in the football mood.


flack <-- Thrown in by Big Bro as I was trying to blog. I tell you about these distractions!


I experienced sadness at a player being hurt for the first time today.

Kyle Orton, starting quarterback for the Bears (and much better than Rex Grossman, in my opinion) was doing excellent as usual. He had actually just run his very first touchdown rush in his career, and you could see how excited and happy he was to do it. It was a good play.

And then, a few plays later, he got injured. He had the ball, was down, and some guy from the Lions clocked him in the leg and hurt him. We sat in suspense, and I'm sure we were thinking what everyone in the stands or on the Bears team was thinking: "Get up, Kyle, c'mon, get up!"

And he got up, and we cheered. He talked shit to the guys who hit him. He limped a few steps, and hit the ground again. There was no way he was walking off the field. And for a whole minute, as the action unfolded in real time, a sense of shock and sadness gripped the field and I'm sure those watching at home; it certainly gripped us. The camera panned to Bears fans covering their mouths; one woman looked like she was crying or on the verge of tears. And Kyle was given a standing ovation as he was driven off the field.

Kyle Orton isn't the best quarterback in the NFL, but he's been having one hell of a season this year. Every game he just seems to show more and more that he should have been starting quarterback all along.

I just hope he gets well soon.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


You know how now they have these funny pictures online of things where people do stupid things, and then they have a huge FAIL somewhere just to make things even worse?

That's what I felt like earlier today.

If you'll notice, my blog looks a little different. The picture has changed, the description has changed, and my link list is noticeably shorter.

Why? Because I tried to change my template yet again, and ended up with a great big FAIL.

I lost almost all of my widgets. The only things I maintained were my shoutbox and my followers list. All I wanted to keep consistent was my link list, because that takes the most time to update.

So if you look on my list and you're not there, don't fret or get mad. Just drop me a comment and I'll add you.

I'm going to keep messing around with the theme of this blog because, as we all know, I can't stick to one theme for more than a few months, and it's definitely past it's limit.

I Guess I'm Supposed to be Scared?

Tonight is (well, was at the time of this post) Halloween night. Ooooooo.

On college campuses, Halloween night is a chance for all the "good girls" to dress like sluts and get away with it. They purchase outfits like the one you see to the right, and they do their hair all pretty and wear the perfect bra and strut around in 30 degree weather with no coat trying to look cute for a party.

They don't even get free candy out of the deal.

Last year, I was a freshman. I fell into the trap of being able to wear a sexy Halloween costume. Biggest waste of money ever.

See, what college students don't seem to realize is that when you're a student, you have more financial obligations. And though I had the money at one time to buy a costume, I just couldn't justify spending that much money on a one time outfit.

If I want to be revealing and show off my figure, I have plenty of figure-revealing clothes in my closet that i don't have to reserve for a purely fictional holiday.

The thing is, nothing special or out of the ordinary is going on. It's going to be the normal frat parties this weekend, where the normal people come out and dance all drunk because they've more than likely pregamed before they even reached the party.

I've reached an epiphany on this whole college drinking thing. So many people are so anxious to drink, but for what? They take back shots, which are disgusting, and they buy bottles of cheap vodka and juice and carry it in water bottles. But what for? For the sake of being drunk? Of waking up and not remmebering the night before? At the risk of making a complete fool of yourself in front of people you may or may not know?

I went to the frat last night for a costume party (I wasn't really dressed like anything, just stuntin as usual) and there was a really REALLY drunk girl. The thing is, I know the girl because she lives on the floor under Big Bro and so I see her at his apartment a lot. And she's a pretty cool girl. But last night she was more gone than a monkey on crack. She fell asleep on the couch showing her ass under her costume, she slapped the guy who tried to pick her up and carry her into the back (with no bad intentions, only to remove her from the main party), and - get this ya'll - she started playing with herself on the couch in front of the entire party. She was going at it!! It was probably the nastiest thing I've ever seen in my life. Finally, I was able to talk her into getting up and going into the back room, where she passed out until this morning sometime. I don't know when she went home or if she knows what she did last night, but I know anybody else who was there remembers, all too well.

I'd like to propose this. If you know a female who drinks way too much, and she gets sloppy when she's drunk, and it's a bad look and you want her to shape up, call Maury and throw her on the show!!

Just kidding.

Someone should make a documentary about drunken females and tape real live drunk females in action. This is no Girls Gone Wild franchise, more like Crackheads Gone Wild. If the girl has an ounce of common sense and doesn't want to be trashy, she'll change her drinking ways.

If not, she's a lost cause, and you'll just have to wait for her to grow out of it, while in the meantime denying that you are associated with her in any way.


Important sidenote: I had a free burrito from Chipotle today, and it was satisfying and delicious. For $7 a pop, though, they're pricey. Chipotle joins Panda Express on my list of foods you gotta budget for to eat. You can't just jump up and go to Chipotle or Panda Express on a whim; that's what McDonalds is for. If you wanna eat at one of those two places you'd better plan in advance.

Unless, of course, you're rich enough to afford an expensive Halloween costume, in which case you obviously don't care much about where your money goes anyway.