Monday, April 28, 2008

Miley's "Controversial" Picture

Take a good look at this picture:

Do you know who this is? Most of us of college age don't really know who she is...she's the new posterchild for Disney and little girls everywhere. Her name is Miley Cyrus, but she's better known as Hannah Montana to those who, like my younger cousins, are of the Disney Channel age.

I don't normally pay much attention to celebrity news, but I was looking through the headlines on Yahoo! when I stumbled across a link saying she was embarrassed about some pictures. I know from watching an episode or two of Hannah Montana, an episode of Oprah, and talking to my little cousins that this girl is kind of a big deal so I decided to check it out. Was she about to join the ranks of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, to name a few?

Apparently, she posed for some pictures in Vanity Fair, and this is one of them. The other is a picture of her laying across her father's lap (her father is Billy Ray Cyrus, who I honestly didn't know was a celebrity until I started hearing her name). She says she's "embarrassed" by the photographs and that she took them because "she thought they were artistic". Let's analyze.

In this picture, you can tell they're trying to have an artistic effect. But there's something about her facial expression that gives it away and makes her look more like a water sprite than an innocent teenager who stars on Disney. I don't really like the bareback effect, because it doesn't really flatter her. She looks pale and cold, more alienated than anything else.

She's upset about this picture because of the article that went along with it. Disney spokesmen say that the magazine was trying to manipulate a teenage girl. What I want to know is, how isn't ANYBODY trying to manipulate this girl? I don't even think she can legally drive yet, but she's wearing flashy makeup and small outfits made for adults and handling responsibilities made for adults. What do you expect? She's supposed to be a role model for little girls, but all she does is make them want to wear more make up and more glitter to fit in, even though what we should REALLY be teaching little girls is how to be themselves because as you get older it becomes a hell of a lot more difficult to figure out.

You know who is a true role model for little girls everywhere? Bindi Sue Irwin, the daughter of the late Steve Irwin (yes, Crocodile Hunter). I've never seen a more educated, well spoken, poised 8 year old! She appeared on an episode of Rachael Ray and I must say, her mother is blessed to have a daughter like her. If only THAT were what was glorified in this society rather than how good (or bad, in my opinion) someone can sing and whether or not they LOOK like they MIGHT be a good role model.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I Guess Reality is Better than a Dream

It's 3:00 am on a Monday night, and I'm still not sleep. Why not? I mean, it's quiet in the room. Nobody is awake outside of the room. It's dark. Why am I not sleep? It's because something is missing... girls who have ever spent a night with their boyfriend know what I'm talking about, especially if they've done it more than once. It's that feeling you get, that warm, content feeling. It's the wrap up of the day. And it really hasn't been that good of a day. 

Everybody is stressed out. Finals are coming and obligations are piling up. Friends are becoming enemies, cliques are shifting and breaking apart, and relationships are crumbling. I don't know if it's just the time of the year or what, but things are not going so well for ANYBODY right now. 

This week won't help one bit, either. Those who are affected by it know why this isn't such a good week. I miss that feeling, that content feeling I get as I'm falling asleep to the rhythm of his breathing. I'm robbed of that feeling during every break we get and now here I am, as if this were another break or something. I can't lie in bed for an entire week eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream and watching stand-up comedy on YouTube, but that's what my day has gone to. Oh, and the occasional homework assignment. Other than that, it's been a real sad day. Lonely too, I might add, though I spent some time with a group of people. As surrounded as I was, I wasn't by him, and that made it all the worst. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about? That feeling when all you want is him and no matter how many people you're around, you still don't feel completely content because he's not there? I can't wait for this week to be over so things can go back to the way they used to be before all this stuff started happening. 

This weekend was a horrible preface for the week to come, and now there's no chance for normality until next week. *Sigh*. 

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Topic of the Day: Alcohol

The last two days have been the craziest days I've experienced in a long time. Thursday night my friend Christina and I each drank almost half a bottle of Jager. I thought I was pretty wasted that night. But last night was the worst. In addition to two jagerbombs and two or three more mixes, I drank Jack and Coke and beer. I've never been that type of drunk before...I wasn't like sloppy or stupid drunk (which I have been). I was emotional/aggressive drunk. Not to sound naive or stupid, but I didn't think girls got like that. Then again, I have, as we know, had some strong feelings bottled up inside for quite a while. I think it was a dangerous mix of alcohol and that's why I got so upset. I wanted to fight! And when I was done wanting to fight, I cried and cried. I won't even get into how the night ended because that's something I want to just move on from, but I will say it wasn't pleasant in any way or form. 

And so today, during my second day of hangover, I thought about something. Being drunk may not be fun, and a lot of times it can make you do things you wouldn't do sober (I should say ALL the time). So why do we keep doing it? Honestly, the thing I like most about being drunk is how social I get. I know that's a typical response, but that's just how it is. I'm such a "stand in the corner alone" girl that finding something that actually brings me out of that stage is exciting. What's even better is that I get really cool with people when I'm drunk which paves the way for later interactions (me and Angel got really cool after my drunken impersonation of him when I didn't even really know him). Not to say that meeting people drunk is the only or even best way to have to be able to meet people sober. But when you're at a party, and everyone is having fun, and you're a little wasted, i don't think there's anything wrong with it. 

It may sound radical or stupid to say such things, but everyone gets a little looser and a little more confident when they're a little buzzed, that's all I'm saying. Tell me it's not just a little easier to talk to people and have fun when you along with everyone else at the party has been drinking! That's can't.

I'm getting bored again...this blog only held my attention for the like 7 minutes it took me to type it. Time to move on to another interest. Until next time....deuces.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

To 118

Let me first start by saying this: I love you. It's taken some time to admit it even to myself, but I've never been more sure than I am now of how I feel about you. I've been taught a lot of lessons in life, and I learned many of them way earlier than I should have had to. But you've honestly taught me so much that I can't even begin to fathom all the things I've learned from you. More important than anything you've taught me about the world is what you've taught me about myself. I don't want to say I'm a whole new person with you, but you've definitely brought out a side of me that I didn't know existed in the form that it does. 

You may want to know why I'm writing this, and you may think it's solely because of last night. All last night did was cemented what I already knew. I've been thinking about how much I care about you for a long time but I'm just too shy to say it out loud... call it a defense mechanism, just one of my quirks, or whatever. I've never been much of a smooth talker... you already know I put my thoughts down best on paper. Which is why I'm writing this. I may come off as soft, but I can't help it. With you I don't need to have my heart shielded. I'm so used to having my guard up and coming off as tough and hard with people. And you're tough yourself... it's one of your more alluring (though sometimes frustrating) traits. I like that you don't take shit from anybody, even me. I won't lie, it can be difficult to deal with sometimes because I've never encountered anybody like you and often I don't know how to deal with it. Give me time. I'll figure it out.

Sometimes I feel like I don't appreciate you enough or I don't tell you enough how I feel. I feel like such a cake when I do. But hey...we can't all be gangsta all the time (unless you're Scarface. That man was a G!!). Just because I may not say it doesn't mean I don't feel it. 

I know this is probably more sweetness than you can take right now (lol) so I'm gonna wrap this up for now. But it's never over... this is, of course, a never-ending cycle. We have our ups and downs just like any relationship. But we always work through things and continue to do so. Thank you for everything you do for me, for being the most amazing boyfriend ever, but most of all, thank you for just being you.


Friday, April 18, 2008

Papichulo Today!!

Today is about to be the shit. G Phi O's Papichulo competition is today, and Angel is running for it. Of course the entire Omega Delta fam is gonna have to be there to support Angel. I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited to go to this today. There's been a lot of hype surrounding this competition lately and I'm interested to see how things go down for it. I'll probably even be writing about it later if I don't get too tired and go to sleep :P. 

For some reason my body has been kind of out of whack for the past like week. I'll eat but like 15-20 minutes later I'll get extremely hungry again. I've also been very, very tired lately and kind of irritable. I'm not quite sure what's going on but I don't like it at all. I'm going to cut the bad sugars and things of that nature out of my diet and see if it doesn't help in the long run. I might be just working off more calories than I'm consuming and it's having an adverse effect on my body. I hope that's what it is...a simple adverse effect of exercise...

Well, it's 9 in the morning and I don't have anything constructive to do with my life so I'm about to watch a movie or something until it's time to head over to the dorms to shower and then go to class. Deuces.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Such A Beautiful Day...

...So why the FUCK am I sitting in this room, looking out the window at the beautiful weather I could be in? i don't even know. I want to be outside, but what the hell would I do out there? Stand around, looking stupid. It's not like in Chicago where you can just walk around with yo crew doing nothing. At least in Chicago you know there are things to do but you're just too lazy or cool to do them. In Dekalb there's actually nothing to do, and everyone around you knows it, so if you're standing around they know you're only standing around because you're bored and lame. 

Well, I need to eat before my stomach eats itself, and then a little later I'm heading to the library. Fun times... I'll have more to say about life later.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Power of Oldies

Have you ever come to a point in your life when you felt like you lost yourself? As if you are no longer the person you once used to be? Obviously, people grow and change... it's a part of life. The thing is, I feel like I've lost touch with a lot of things that once played a very important part in life. One of those things is gospel music.

Two points: first, I do not assert myself as religious. I believe in the existence of a God, and I pray to him sometimes in times of extreme distress. I'm supposed to be Catholic, but I don't even know what it means to be Catholic. I just know what I believe in and what I don't, and so I don't like labeling myself. Second, anyone who knows my music collection knows I listen to a little bit of EVERYTHING. 

But my music collection was lacking in gospel songs. I had a few, but nothing immediately worth speaking of except "Imagine Me" by Kirk Franklin. As time went on, I added a song or two. Then, yesterday, I was bored and surfing YouTube and happened across a video for "Hosana" by Kirk Franklin. A smile splashed across my face as I began to hum the tune before I even heard the song, remembering hearing it when I was younger. Amardo told me to shut up because he was listening to music himself so I put my headphones in and jammed. The song was so uplifting that I began to search YouTube for other songs I'd overlooked. 

The next song I found threatened to bring tears to my eyes. It sent a chill through my body. It's called "Lean On Me" by Kirk Franklin (notice a slight trend here? I LOVE Kirk Franklin). I almost cried because I remember singing this song in chorus in fourth grade. I closed my eyes and swayed slowly, mouthing the words, holding back tears. 

I get the same feeling listening to "Forever In Love" by Kenny G because it is such a staple at black weddings. Hearing it brings a sense of joy and togetherness to my heart in a soothing way. "Moments In Love" by Art of Noise also is quite the fuzzy-feeling evoker, if only because everybody knows that song (even though it is an instrumental). Go on...if you've ever listened to WNUA 95.5, you've heard these songs cycled endlessly. I only wish I were able to find HALF the songs I hear on WNUA. How much more relaxed I would be, how much calmer would my nerves be! 

I miss the days of instrumental music like those, of smooth jazz melodies drifting softly through the air, stepping with my mom and her boyfriend, and just having fun. Why don't they make music like that anymore??

Friday, April 11, 2008

Words to Live By...maybe

Don't sweat the small stuff. Be proactive, not reactive. Live everyday as if it were your last. Let no man (or woman, i should add) steal your joy. All very inspirational words to live by, all very good things to keep in mind. But how easy is it to actually apply these phrases in everyday life? When something is bothering you, how easy is it to just forget and forgive?

At some point in my life, I've utilized every one of these phrases at least once, trying to apply it as a personal mantra. Angry to the boiling point, I have said one of these phrases in my head or aloud over and over again. Be proactive, not reactive. Be proactive, not reactive. Don't sweat the small stuff. But how many times must you repeat it before it really works?

The problem with mantras like these is that often the results of these actions are not immediately gratifying in the way you'd like them to be. Take being proactive, for example (my personal favorite). The effects of this are often not seen or reciprocated for months! I have used this phrase before when dealing with angering friends and I will say that I am a witness to the power of that phrase, although it takes a while for the effects to take place. The thing is, the circumstances under which you must apply this principle are the most difficult ones to apply it to because you have to keep your emotions under control, and I speak from experience when I say that is a very, very tough thing to accomplish.

I also like don't sweat the small stuff, although that one is under consideration. What exactly is considered "small stuff"? How big does an event have to be before it isn't considered "small stuff" anymore? Because that phrase is so subjective, I try not to overuse it because what is a huge deal to me would not be a big deal to someone else, and vice versa. Something about it just isn't all that constant. But, if you have determined the limits, it can also be an effective mantra. Just not as much for me.

As for the living everyday like your last...I exercise that to a much less extreme. I just try to cherish the people around me. One of my biggest fears is losing somebody close to me and not being able to tell them goodbye or that I loved them. For that reason, I kiss my boyfriend every time one of us leaves to go somewhere, no matter where and no matter for how long. He could be driving up the street but I still want him to say goodbye because a lot can happen in half a block.

Well, I have to go take a test and so I can't really ponder on these issues for much longer here. After class, I have an advising appointment and then I'm studying for the rest of the day for an exam on Tuesday, plus I have a paper to write by Wednesday, and notes to take. My day is pretty full. Until next time...deuces

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

All A Lie?

So this is how children feel when they discover Santa isn't real in some blunt way, such as by their classmates or some evil relative with no spirit of Christmas? This is the confusion and hurt they feel, to know that what they've come to believe for so long is suddenly not true?

I won't be specific on what I'm talking's an issue that I understand has been challenged a while ago, and maybe I was just a little late to hop on the bandwagon of conspiracy theorists. I will say that NASA no longer holds the same trusted authority that it used to hold for me. Such an abuse of their power and knowledge cannot be forgiven. This new information has led me to be even more skeptical than I ever was before about anything I hear. How do you know what's going on is real? How do we, as people, know what is truth and what is not? How much of what we say and share is nothing but a twisted fabrication of insignificant facts weaved together in such a way to sway an entire world?

For us as humankind to know as much as we do, we still know very little. There are many things that are beyond our explanation. How do we deal with this? Many people are content to not know; whatever they don't know can't hurt them, right? I am not one of those people. What I do not know frightens me because when you don't know, you don't know what to expect and surprises are only good for birthday parties and engagement proposals. As humans, we seem to thrive on there being some sort of constant, something that we know to be stable and true. In fact, people without this sense of constance who lack this stable core are usually considered to be the ones with some type of mental disorder.

At this point, I am confused beyond explanation and I just don't know who or what to believe. Will I ever know? Probably not. It will not be until nothing matters anymore, until life is close to done, after I have learned all I will learn, that the answer will become clear.

I want to be in the Superclass

I was reading an article in Newsweek (yes, I do read things outside of required reading for class) and noticed a new word: "superclass". What on earth is a superclass? So I read further. It turns out that the superclass is even more elite than rich people, more powerful than anyone could imagine being. Their influence stretches across borders, and that is what gives them much of their power. The other portion of their power comes from what they are in charge of: money. Yes. The heads of banks like Goldmann Sachs (the best investment bank in the world) and of the Federal Reserve Bank have power beyond my wildest dreams. Their decisions can make or break an economy faster than George Bush on a spending spree. Further reading the article proved to be a watered down version of the point being stated an almost timid way, the author proceeds to talk about some 6,000 to 7,000 members of the superclass. How absurd! The author even begins to add people such as Angelina Jolie to the list. Honestly, I do not believe she deserves to be placed on the same list that you would place, say, the head honcho of JPMorgan. She just does not have the influence that these people who I would like to be like have.

Yes, I want to be at the top. I've figured it out. But at the top of what? I'd LOVE to run a business like JPMorgan Chase or even The Northern Trust Company. I'd love to be the head of a bank or some similar organization that has become international. The responsibility, the excitement, the sounds fabulous! Having visited the headquarters for Goldman Sachs this summer (which VERY few people get to do) and even having gone on the trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange (I think only like 5% of the worlds population has set foot on the trading floor), I know I want to manage a company that manages money.

One day, everyone will see. I will be that young, successful CEO or COO. It's not a question of whether I can do it or not. Nothing can stand in my way at this point but me. And I don't intend on doing ANYTHING to jeopardize my goal.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

No, I'm Not Pissed Off, Thanks For Asking

Well, here I am at the Ohdee house, basically alone. It's really quiet in here, but I like it. It's a nice day to be a Saturday. It's starting to get dark outside, too. I'm going to clean up this ridiculously disgusting room, and then i'm going to do some homework. I know, I know, homework on a Saturday? What people don't understand is that Saturday is the designated recovery day. You get drunk on Thursday night, go to class hungover on Friday morning, then party all over again and pay for it all on Saturday when everyone is too broke and lazy to drink anymore. Sunday you sit around knowing you have a paper and two tests Monday but with no motivation to study. Also, everyone comes back to school on Sunday and usually they all want to party so then it becomes impossible to get anything done.

I've admittedly been feeling kind of weird lately...I've been getting irritated over stuff that should have been resolved a long time ago. There are a lot of things that irritate me, this is true. It takes a lot for me to get angry but a push at the wrong time will irritate me very quickly...I consider myself rather short-fused in that respect. It's funny...I get more irritated when someone thinks I'll get irritated about something I don't care about than if someone does something irritating to me, if you can follow that. Like today, when Armando invited people over his house to smoke and watch a movie. Amardo wanted me to go, but I didn't really want to for three (very good, I might add) reasons: first, I'm not smoking. My throat already hurts from being outside last night...why would I want to torture it more? Second, they're watching a movie, which is bad on two counts. I don't like watching movies in the first place, and watching movies when everyone else is high but you is really no fun. Third, how and when would we get back? I want to do my homework, I want to chill, and if Armando is high he's not going to be in any condition to drive back to the house any time soon. The point here is, Amardo almost didn't go because he thought he'd hear shit about it when he got back...WHAT?? Honestly, I would have given him more shit if he DIDN'T go because I don't want his brothers saying "aw, you can't go anywhere without her being there, and if she doesn't go you can't go..." fuck that. I'm not that type of person.

That being said, I kind of like just chilling here. But before I talk myself into a much worse mood than I'd like to be in right now, I'm going to go ahead and clean and then do some homework. I'll try to start writing in here more, not that it really matters because nobody reads this thing anyway...