Saturday, April 19, 2008

To 118

Let me first start by saying this: I love you. It's taken some time to admit it even to myself, but I've never been more sure than I am now of how I feel about you. I've been taught a lot of lessons in life, and I learned many of them way earlier than I should have had to. But you've honestly taught me so much that I can't even begin to fathom all the things I've learned from you. More important than anything you've taught me about the world is what you've taught me about myself. I don't want to say I'm a whole new person with you, but you've definitely brought out a side of me that I didn't know existed in the form that it does. 

You may want to know why I'm writing this, and you may think it's solely because of last night. All last night did was cemented what I already knew. I've been thinking about how much I care about you for a long time but I'm just too shy to say it out loud... call it a defense mechanism, just one of my quirks, or whatever. I've never been much of a smooth talker... you already know I put my thoughts down best on paper. Which is why I'm writing this. I may come off as soft, but I can't help it. With you I don't need to have my heart shielded. I'm so used to having my guard up and coming off as tough and hard with people. And you're tough yourself... it's one of your more alluring (though sometimes frustrating) traits. I like that you don't take shit from anybody, even me. I won't lie, it can be difficult to deal with sometimes because I've never encountered anybody like you and often I don't know how to deal with it. Give me time. I'll figure it out.

Sometimes I feel like I don't appreciate you enough or I don't tell you enough how I feel. I feel like such a cake when I do. But hey...we can't all be gangsta all the time (unless you're Scarface. That man was a G!!). Just because I may not say it doesn't mean I don't feel it. 

I know this is probably more sweetness than you can take right now (lol) so I'm gonna wrap this up for now. But it's never over... this is, of course, a never-ending cycle. We have our ups and downs just like any relationship. But we always work through things and continue to do so. Thank you for everything you do for me, for being the most amazing boyfriend ever, but most of all, thank you for just being you.


No comments: