Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Today was my first day of work at my new job.

For security reasons, I can't tell yous the exact name or location of the place I'm working at. But just know I'm pursuing a career in collections.

I know, I know. The first thing anyone does when they realize I'm doing collections now is shy away and go "ewww...you're one of those," all disdainful and such. The second thing they tend to do is say "now if you see MY name, don't call me!" Jay even went so far as to say that if I called him (because he KNOWS he has an account with the agency I work for) that he'd curse me out.

I politely informed him, of course, that should he do that to me that he wouldn't live past 5:05 to tell the tale.

To be quite honest, I sat in a training room today with people who wouldn't dream of doing anything but collections. And the truth is, it's good ass money. Sure, your hourly is gonna be crap, but the bonus check is what you're really there for. That bonus check is what makes all the difference.

I'm actually considering staying at DSW for a period of time, if only for the discount. Which I may not even have to do if I don't want and if the collections thing works out.

I'm also on a mission tonight to speak to an admissions representative to get enrolled in online classes at the University of Phoenix.

My life is finally getting back on track...

Monday, July 20, 2009

Who's Life Is This Anyway?

So...I got the job. And I couldn't be more happy or proud of myself. As I wrote in my last post, I found this job unaided, and I did everything I needed to do to secure it unaided.

Be that as it may, however, my decision to pursue a full-time job/career has been met with some resistance by a few people close to me. It appears what they want me to do and what I've chosen to do aren't quite along the same track.

The job is quite a distance away from my house, so that created a little bit of discord. But the biggest issue is the premise that by me getting a full-time job, I won't be going back to school. Basically, everyone wants me to go to school full-time and worry about working later. I'd rather work and go to school part-time so that I can have some money in my pocket, be independent, and still advance in life.

It hurts like hell that every time I make some progress, whether it be finding a job or making plans to move out or even going to a school that was below everyone else's expectations, there's always a crew of people there downplaying it and making me feel like shit.

I hesitate to refer to them as "haters" because normally haters don't have nothing so they're jealous of anyone who does. I'd refer to this crew more as the "pedestal bunch". They put someone on a pedestal and if things don't go exactly how they want them to go, something's wrong with that person.

No, I'm not living the life everyone else seems to want for me. And I'm sorry. I'm telling anyone who wants a say in how I live my life that I'm so sorry I can't live up to your standards. I'm so sorry I'm not leading the life you want me to lead. But it's my life to lead. And if I'm happy, you should be happy too.

But I guess I'm not entitled that...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Some Thoughts

I used to feel terrible about not being in school, about only working a part-time job, about not doing well in certain classes. I used to think that I didn't know what I wanted from life, and if someone asked me I would give a roundabout answer (or tailor my answer to fit what I figured they would want to hear, depending on the person). And I felt horrible for it, because it made me feel like I wasn't finding my purpose.

But I came to a realization today after an interview at a job I hopefully will get (so far it's looking good; I just gotta keep my fingers crossed). All the preparation I did for this position, with the background research and the sending my resume and cover letter and the interview and finding the perfect outfit and traveling to the place TWICE just to see how long it takes to get there and where it is...all that preparation was because this is something I truly want. It's not what anyone else wants for me but what I really want for myself.

It isn't about the position itself. Nor is it really about the pay (though it's a nice increase from what I make now, plus bonuses, plus benefits after 90 days). It's not about me needing to get some sort of professional trade. It's more about the independence of the thing, and the independence this job will grant me.

I found this job on my own. I applied for it on my own, and obtained an interview on my own. I went through the interview on my own, and researched the place and possible questions they might ask me on my own. I did it all myself, on my own accord, with my own motivation. Jay helped me get there, and supported me and relaxed me before my interview and encouraged me. But as far as the work goes, I did it alone. And it feels amazing.

What's interesting is, a family friend extended an offer to me with the promise of securing an interview at the Trump Tower here. And it pays even better than the place I obtained myself. But I've dedicated NO time to pursuing that lead, because to be honest I don't want another job I have to have help getting. I'm not ungrateful; in fact, I'm very thankful he thought of me for the position. But I would just rather do it by myself.

To me, the means of obtaining something is more important than the thing itself.

I would have loved to live in a tiny apartment with my mom growing up versus the lovely three bedroom home we live in now with my grandmother. Sure, the quality of living would have decreased significantly, but an apartment would have been ours. I would have sacrificed the luxury of the big house to have the feeling that it was something we worked for ourselves. Because nice things aren't quite as nice when you don't have to work for them. Part of what is so humbling about life is struggle.

When I get older, I want to look on the things I've done and the goals I've achieved and have the sense of knowing that I did everything I did with hard work and determination and that I have nobody to thank for my success but myself and those who supported me. It may sound crazy, but I'd rather live modestly and comfortably but independently than to live lavishly but to know my success depends solely on the discretion of someone else.


On a livelier and completely unrelated note, I got a gift from Jay about a week ago: rose colored Louis shades!! Look for their debut in an upcoming post.