I thought after my last hospital episode I was done with the whole hospital scene...
Okay, that's not completely true, and I didn't tell you guys the whole story.
See, I went into Cook County for shortness of breath...came out with an infection...and (dare I say it) pregnant.
Yes, yes, you read right. Straight up, lightheaded*morning sickness*headaches*weird cravings* excessive fatigue preggo.
I didn't intend on keeping it, but after a week passed I got attached to the little thing. It was certainly attached to me, sucking all my energy and making me sick...or so I thought.
See, you're not supposed to bleed AND have cramps while you're pregnant. One or the other is fine, but both is a bad sign. So off Jay rushed me to the hospital again, this time to Saint Mary.
After laying 5 hours with needles and ultrasounds and speculums and all other tests, I found out that I was miscarrying because it wasn't developing properly...to be completely technical, it wasn't developing at all. I didn't even know something like that could happen.
So here I am, blogging to you live from my hospital bed with an IV in one arm and a bandaid from a recent blood test on the other. My cramps are getting progressively worse today and I'm hoping the doctor comes in soon so we can alleviate this pain.
As far as emotionally...I'm holding up ok, not the best but I'm not in pieces either. Though the original plan hadn't been to keep it, I didn't expect it to happen this way. I guess it's better my body is doing it naturally, but I still wasn't quite prepared for it.
And once again, Jay stayed with me *almost* the entire time; I sent him home around 5 this morning to get some sleep and do some other errands because I felt so bad for him sitting in the chair next to my hospital bed, unable to sleep or get comfortable. It didn't help that the first time he finally agreed to leave I almost started crying (really couldn't help it; even though I didn't want him sitting in that chair I didn't want to be alone in the hospital room ), so another 30 minute disagreement ensued until I finally fell asleep and he awoke me just to say goodbye and made me go back to sleep promptly. And even when I texted him a little while ago he was still apologizing for leaving my side. But that wasn't even the kicker. The kicker was the care he took in making sure I had food when I got to my room, going home just to get entertainment for us for the night, bringing me something to change into and all my favorite foods and drinks (though after midnight I wasn't allowed to eat anything else), combing my hair when I had the IV, and snapping me back to reality when the cramps had tears streaming down my face and I was ready to break down.
I don't know how I would have made it through all of this without him.
I had to stop my story here to impart a very important message and lesson I've learned to all my fellow bloggers out there or anyone who stumbles upon this blog: follow your intuition.
That seems like such a "common sense" thing to do, but as you know, this blog is aptly named for this reason: you'd be surprised how many people ignore their intuition and end up getting into trouble later.
I say this because when I first started bleeding, everyone but my store manager thought it was no big deal. Everyone said "don't worry, it's perfectly normal, women still go through it during their pregnancy, you're okay".
I haven't gone through it since April. You can't tell me its normal to skip two months then all of a sudden start back again...something's not right with that picture.
However, I do tend to exaggerate my symptoms (a simple headache can turn into a brain tumor if you'll let me think about it long enough) so I decided to chill out, do a little Googling, and see what happens.
Well, we see what happened.
Listen to your intuition because it knows better than anybody else. Only YOU know what you're feeling and what's going on in your body. If something doesn't feel right, question it. Get to the bottom of it, and then you can move on. Don't let everyone else try to quell what your body is trying to tell you.
We're given intuition for a reason. All we've got to do is listen to it.
When I told ya'll the story earlier, it was a little after 7 in the morning. As the hours ticked passed, I started having the WORST cramps of my life...come to find out, they were really contractions. So basically I was in labor for 9 hours, getting these horrible tear evoking contraction/cramps every 6-7 minutes.
Pregnant women can imagine. Let me tell you this: if babysitting or fear of AIDS wasn't a good enough method of birth control, those contractions sure were. It was the absolute worst pain I've ever felt. I'm not looking forward to feeling that pain again any time soon.
At around 4 the gynecologist finally came in (they'd been promising her arrival since 6 in the morning) and it was time for my D&C. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I needed those cramps to go away and this was it.
The anesthesia was da bomb...I wonder if they'll let me take a little home with me. The anesthesiologist said "you're going to sleep" and two seconds later I was OUT. I woke up high as hell in the recovery room. Then the nurse pumped me full of morphine and anti-nausea drugs. I'm telling you, it's the first time I've felt relief since yesterday morning and it feels amazing.
I'm due to finally leave here sometime between 9 and 10, provided all my vitals are fine. If not, I'll be out of here tomorrow morning. Which is fine with me.
As usual, I'll keep you all posted.