The Never Ending Cycle

Come in. Assess the damage left from the morning, when you were too busy getting dressed to care about a mess. Step over the rejected clothing options on the floor, maybe wrappers from a granola bar you scarfed down as you got dressed. Sit on the couch and kick off your shoes. Leave them there, because you're happy to finally be sitting at home. You've been sitting at work all day too, but it's different from the comfort of your couch.

You don't turn the tv on automatically, because your work day flashes in your head and you have a moment of reflection. The silence is a blanket, comforting you. Today was just one of those days, a day others might deem successful but on the inside you were suffering. This isn't the job for you, or maybe it is but you haven't found your niche yet. It hurts because you're not used to this, and nobody understands why a bad day impacts you so much but you're not acquainted with failure, while now it feels like you flirt with it every day. You see your quota, and your goal is crawling up to it, but it never hits. The day it hits is never the day you get rewarded for it, either.

You sigh in exasperation. Do you stick it out? Do you look for a new job? The job search in itself is a job. And beyond that, do you want to give up so easily? Will you appear weak? Will your resume show consistency in holding a long term job, or will they count your search for the perfect job as a sign that you can't hold one?

What is it about your current job that you don't like? Is it the competition? Or the fact you're not doing as well as you'd like?

All at once, you come back to reality and realize you've been sitting in absolute silence for 5 minutes staring at the wall. You want to reflect more, but there's something criminal in spending too much time thinking about work at home so you flip through the channels, searching for some mindless sitcom to immerse yourself in. They're always so delightfully unrealistic, and they create the perfect escape from reality.

At some point, you decide to eat. And at 9:00pm, you fall asleep (despite all efforts to stay awake to watch the game/movie/tv show) and stay in bed until the next morning, when you wake up and still complain about being tired.

And the cycle begins again...