Pinche Cabron...

Deep breath.......aaaaahhhhhhh. Okay. I feel myself spiraling down into the habits I had last semester and it's not good. Although I'm not behind in my schoolwork, I'm not going to class and that's bothering me. Last night was wild. First, Amardo and I went to eat at Neptune...all you can eat. Then we went to Janet's room so Janet and I could talk about apartments. Except we only talked about that for like 3 minutes, then were just chilling. We somehow ended up going to Jason's room after that and chilled with Jason and Caesar. Braulio came, and so did James, except they were going to play basketball so Amardo and I left and ended up seeing Angel on our way to the house. When we got to the house, Armando and Lincoln were there, and David was on his way. It was a crazy night. I didn't get drunk, but I did learn how to do a hot ass trick with the hookah. I also played a little Guitar Hero with Carlos (I won once) and at the end of the night, Amardo and I had a pretty good talk...I was completely honest with him about certain stuff that bothers me. We even talked in a little spanish. I finally got to show him i'm not a complete dumbass when it comes to Spanish. It's not that I don't know how to label things in spanish or even form simple sentences, I just can't hold a full out, complicated conversation and I can't speak it very fast nor can I understand all of what native speakers say because, just like in english, they tend to cut off words or run right through them and my brain can't process it fast enough to understand it on the fly. The hilarious thing is, I can spell all kinds of words in Spanish (and in English), I just don't always know how to use them.

Mike Ballou blowing a huge ass bubble...7 puffs!! He was lightheaded as hell after that one


















This was crazy...You may not be able to see but Mike had smoke coming out of his nose like a bull and out of the sides of his mouth...ridiculous...









Death Rho all day #121, 118, and 119 (120 was playin Halo at the time of the picture)

2.14.08 - We Are All Huskies

There comes a time when you have to step outside of your own body for a bit and evaluate your life and what's going on in it. Many people do it multiple times, especially after a traumatizing experience. I had one of those moments in class today. There were three counselors in my Statistics class, and they spoke to us about coping with stress and made us do a little exercise. They said that some people may be over what happened to our school the week before last, and others are not. Things started to sink in. I realized, in that instant, that I had not truly coped with the tragedy. I simply cried a little, because it felt right at the time, and tried to put all reminders of it out of my mind. For three mornings straight I awoke with fresh tears in my eyes...I cried myself to sleep an equal number of nights. But even these tears were not enough. And as I sat in class today, my eyes had not been on the ceiling for 10 seconds before I felt the tears start to form...and I averted my gaze to the floor. I don't need a counselor, I tried telling myself, secretly wondering if I should really go talk to one. But I don't even know where to begin talking. This is what happens when your idea of being strong becomes not the ability to cope with trials but to run from them instead. That is essentially what I have done. I tell everyone I'm okay when they ask how I'm holding up...which is true when I'm not thinking about what happened. But it's impossible to not think about it sometimes.

This doesn't teach me that life is futile and that you must cherish those in it, because you never know what could happen...I knew that already. And I'm not going to pretend like I'm going to change my ways overnight...but I'm working on it. I'm contacting friends I haven't talked to since elementary school. I tell my family I love them every time I speak to them. It's not a whole hell of a lot, but it's something. I don't want to live my life afraid that at any moment it could be ripped away from me. I know that one breath doesn't guarantee the next. I learned that a long time ago. I don't want to end up in some mental institution with my arms wrapped around my body because I have things like this riding on my shoulders and I never learn to shrug them off. But I don't want to cry anymore. i don't want to be sad anymore.

To the 7 Huskies we lost...you will forever be missed. To anyone who was hurt: I sincerely hope you feel better and I wish you all a speedy recovery. Unnum...we'll see you next week girlie.

I'm Getting Old...

After an interesting morning of being rudely awakened by Amardo, who just can't get up in the mornings without waking EVERY LIVING BEING IN THE ROOM WITH HIM (grrrr), I decided to hop on Facebook for a minute before I started my morning routine of getting dressed. I saw a new event...Louder Than a Bomb 08. Now for those who are unfamiliar with Chicago events, Louder Than a Bomb is a huge poetry slam held annually where students from high schools and even some grammar schools (Keller...woop woop) compete. There are certain bouts and each school has a team. Individuals do a poem, and then the group does a group poem as well. It's such a great experience to see up and coming talent poetic talent in Chicago.

Now here's why it makes me feel old...I participated in Louder Than A Bomb in 2003!!! 5 whole years ago! And yet, I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember my intense nervousness reciting a poem from memory that I wasn't fully sure about. I remember my grammar school taking third place, behind New Trier and some other school. I still have the shirt...I still wear it, too. I love the questions it brings up. You were in Louder Than A Bomb? What's that? I love being able to say I participated in an official poetry event such as LTAB.

Yesterday was so much fun, even though we didn't really do anything. We woke up early for Sunday brunch...imagine 5 OhDeez, 1 OhDee girlfriend and 2 OhDee girlfriend prospects walking across campus in a huge ass group to Grant to eat, and then meeting up with three more OhDeez and one more OhDee girlfriend. We were deep as hell...in the lunchroom! We ALL maxed. I wish I had a picture of it...it was cute. Then, everybody kinda split. The girls and Braulio went toward the dorms, and the guys went back to the house. I went to my dorm first to get some clothes and then came back to the house. They were all smoking and watching Afro Samurai (hot ass cartoon, if anybody wants to see it).I didn't smoke but i did sit and watch. Then the party migrated to Andrews room, where Caesar and Andrew played Madden for $20...Caesar won. Then the party migrated AGAIN to Carlitos' room, where Amardo, Carlitos, Chris G, Carlos G, and I think Caesar played poker. While they played poker Andrew and I started watching American Hustle. When the poker game was finished, we migrated BACK to Andrews room and everybody plus Sucio and B-Rad watched American Hustle there and smoked (again, I didn't smoke). I think they thought it was pretty funny...I know I did. Then we all ordered food and ate cheese nuggets, pizza, and hot wings. It was a pretty amazing meal, I must admit. When everything was said and done, Amardo and I finally went to bed. I couldn't sleep from all the Pepsi I drank yesterday, but he held me tight and finally I did fall asleep. And that is how OhDeez spend their Sunday nights...smokin, playing games, and eating. Doesn't get much better.

Chippendale And The Quest For a Name

Last week, Amardo and I were bored so we decided to go to the mall. We ended up going to Petsmart at Ford City and I bought a hamster. Technically, he's a robo dwarf hamster, which means he's small and probably won't get much bigger. He is the most adorable thing ever!!








There's no way you can look at this little guy and have any bad feelings about him. Amardo loves him too...I'm starting to think that maybe I should have gotten him a hamster for Christmas. At least it gives him something to do when he's bored. And I get so many funny reactions from his name...some people say "Chippendale? Like Chip AND Dale? He's got two names?"...LMAO! or, like Gerardo said, "Chippendale? You can't name him Chippendale. It's either Chip or Dale. It can't be Chip and/or Dale!" Hehehe...my little hamster is so cute...

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Who is this guy? His name is Amardo Gonzalez and he is my boyfriend. Sexy, right? I know. I sometimes can't believe I get to fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up laying next to him every morning (or afternoon, depending on the day). Looks aside, as I said before, he is one of the sweetest guys I know. He is also very thoughtful and intelligent. We complement each other, and I think that's IMMENSELY important. He doesn't always think he's the best, but he truly is. And of course, I take care of those I care about...which includes him. You know what...this description isn't quite enough to describe him. If you want to hear more about him...read the day to day entries. As of now...I'm out. Deuces

Welcome to the Wonderful World of...Me

What could I possibly say to describe me? I am a freshman Business Administration major at Northern Illinois University. I love music...my favorite genres are gangsta rap, hip hop, some r&b, reggaeton, spanish music (the real mexican music), some rock, smooth jazz, and old songs (think luther vandross, earth wind and fire, and people of that nature). I don't watch much TV or many movies, so don't ask me about them. I love food...LOVE it. Some important stuff to know about me: I think a lot, sometimes too much for my own good. I often have a lot to say but I don't speak much on my feelings...I'd much rather write them down, which is why I started a blog in the first place. I'm very reserved and quiet around people I don't know, but those I'm comfortable with probably think I can't shut up.

This is me!!

I'd like to clarify something, before anything pops off because of this: yes, my background is the Playboy bunny. I am not a playmate, nor do I aspire to be. I just happen to like the bunny.

I hope you don't use this introduction to gain any insight into my life...no introduction can ever describe me fully. Talking to me will. If you like what you read, don't be afraid to comment. One of my biggest pet peeves is not being listened to, especially when I feel I have something important to say...so comments are greatly appreciated. You can also find me on Facebook. I have a Myspace but I never check it. My AIM screenname is secretchick154, so you can hit me up there too. Until next time...deuces