Tuesday, September 16, 2008

All That Work...For This?

Just when I thought things may finally be looking up for me, this happens.

It wasn't enough that I had to leave the school of my choice for this. It wasn't enough that I had to settle for online classes for this. It wasn't enough that I waited for three weeks while everyone else was in school to start.

Now, the day before I'm supposed to start, hours before I'm supposed to start, suddenly I get a slew of documents from financial aid. Apparently, I'm too poor to get any money from them without them picking me apart for clues like some CSI forensic pathologist.

And in case you thought you read wrong, let me repeat it: I'm too poor to get government aid.

I was raised in an interesting living situation. My dad skipped out when I was 5...my mom can't keep a job so she's been unemployed most of my life. But I have something called family, people who have been there for me through thick and thin, people who stepped up to the plate and helped me.

And now, you're telling me that because of what I've already been through, I can't be at school??

ALL I WANTED WAS A GOD-FUCKING-DAMN EDUCATION so that I don't end up like the people I grew up around: 40, 50 year old people living with their parents with no jobs, coming around begging 19 year olds for money, with no futures ahead of them because -guess what -they're already living their future. People with bad credit or no credit and no way to give any advice on having credit.

I'm supposed to be signing into my account at 12:00 am SHARP because that is when the semester starts. I'm supposed to be getting my syllabuses, doing readings for my class at 11 tomorrow morning, and making sure the chapter that I already read and took notes on in Accounting is the right chapter. Instead here I am sitting in front of my computer, with red eyes and a tear stained face and puffy lips, wondering what in the HELL i did before that made me go through this.

For once, I did everything right. For once, things were supposed to work in my favor. They wanted papers, I printed them and faxed them, no matter how much trouble it may have been to do so. They wanted forms filled out, I filled them out. I signed promissory notes. What the fuck more do you want from me??

I went to an online seminar today. It was about blogging your way to success, and I couldn't stop commenting on how cool it was to be sitting in front of my computer but feel like I was at the actual seminar, except I couldn't see the presenter himself. They had a powerpoint presentation showing, and he spoke along with it, and there was a chat window so we could ask questions, and they would stop and answer relevant questions, and it was just amazing, and it made me even more excited to start because one of my classes will be set up the exact same way.

I just can't believe this right now. I can't even wrap my head around the thought that this is happening to me. I don't need this kind of constant stress in my life, and I can't believe that the government would act like this to the very person they should be trying to help.

It feels like I just ran face first into a brick wall; my heart actually hurts. I can't believe that I did everything I was supposed to and still got fucked over.

I can't even write anymore right now yall...it's just too damn upsetting...

5 comments:

Andre said...

For once, I did everything right. For once, things were supposed to work in my favor. They wanted papers, I printed them and faxed th....

Say fuck it and hit em up "set it off stylee" but like I read today, God never puts more on your plate than you can handle. and plus i don't think your name is Misses glass either!

Video Vix[o]n said...

that's a low down dirty shame.
"never seems to get better, always seems to get worse."
that's some hogwash for real. talk to teh school and see what you can do. if not, they ain't even worth your time.

KC said...

WTF !! Too poor to get an Aid ??!! That really pisses me off ! You sure have to take this fckin matter to the higher authorities !

And if nothing seems to work out - Just think that God has better plans for you !! These are just testing times - All of us have it at some point of our lives ! So get thru it Unscathed and am sure for the sake of your will n determination - you are sure to have a great future ahead !!

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Demiera said...

First I want to thank you guys for being so helpful...I don't think you realize just how much of a difference you make!

@ andre - You're right, god never puts more on your plate than you can handle, it just seems like he keeps filling mine up and filling mine up...and I like that "misses glass" comment...got me thinking lol...

@ video vix[o]n - I called them yesterday to find out what was going on...they fed me even more paperwork to fill out. I asked the woman like 5 times if that was all...if they come to me with more bullshit I'm suing...

@ kc - Seems like I have a lot of stuff to take to the authorities now...two colleges and a car dealership! But you are right...this is a test. I just hope it's over soon cuz this is STRESSFUL!!