All That Work...For This?

Just when I thought things may finally be looking up for me, this happens.

It wasn't enough that I had to leave the school of my choice for this. It wasn't enough that I had to settle for online classes for this. It wasn't enough that I waited for three weeks while everyone else was in school to start.

Now, the day before I'm supposed to start, hours before I'm supposed to start, suddenly I get a slew of documents from financial aid. Apparently, I'm too poor to get any money from them without them picking me apart for clues like some CSI forensic pathologist.

And in case you thought you read wrong, let me repeat it: I'm too poor to get government aid.

I was raised in an interesting living situation. My dad skipped out when I was 5...my mom can't keep a job so she's been unemployed most of my life. But I have something called family, people who have been there for me through thick and thin, people who stepped up to the plate and helped me.

And now, you're telling me that because of what I've already been through, I can't be at school??

ALL I WANTED WAS A GOD-FUCKING-DAMN EDUCATION so that I don't end up like the people I grew up around: 40, 50 year old people living with their parents with no jobs, coming around begging 19 year olds for money, with no futures ahead of them because -guess what -they're already living their future. People with bad credit or no credit and no way to give any advice on having credit.

I'm supposed to be signing into my account at 12:00 am SHARP because that is when the semester starts. I'm supposed to be getting my syllabuses, doing readings for my class at 11 tomorrow morning, and making sure the chapter that I already read and took notes on in Accounting is the right chapter. Instead here I am sitting in front of my computer, with red eyes and a tear stained face and puffy lips, wondering what in the HELL i did before that made me go through this.

For once, I did everything right. For once, things were supposed to work in my favor. They wanted papers, I printed them and faxed them, no matter how much trouble it may have been to do so. They wanted forms filled out, I filled them out. I signed promissory notes. What the fuck more do you want from me??

I went to an online seminar today. It was about blogging your way to success, and I couldn't stop commenting on how cool it was to be sitting in front of my computer but feel like I was at the actual seminar, except I couldn't see the presenter himself. They had a powerpoint presentation showing, and he spoke along with it, and there was a chat window so we could ask questions, and they would stop and answer relevant questions, and it was just amazing, and it made me even more excited to start because one of my classes will be set up the exact same way.

I just can't believe this right now. I can't even wrap my head around the thought that this is happening to me. I don't need this kind of constant stress in my life, and I can't believe that the government would act like this to the very person they should be trying to help.

It feels like I just ran face first into a brick wall; my heart actually hurts. I can't believe that I did everything I was supposed to and still got fucked over.

I can't even write anymore right now yall...it's just too damn upsetting...