Monday, June 23, 2008

I Want My Name In Lights

Well, this marks the beginning of a new week, and as I listen to my cousins yelling and screaming in the background, I kind of wish it was the weekend again so I could sit back and relax.

Never let them forget who you are.

Once again, I am at a point where I evaluate myself and try to figure out where I'm going, what I'm doing, and why I'm going where I'm going and doing what I'm doing. And thus far, I must, say I'm pretty excited with the way life is going right now. I've got great friends, an amazing boyfriend and some money in the bank for once. But where am I going from here? In 1, 5, 10 years from now, where will I be? I want to make an impact. I want to be somebody. But I guess this blog just isn't the place to start. It could be, if I wanted it to be. I could put myself out there.
That's the thing about me: I don't have any obsessions, nothing that people would associate with me, except writing. So that's what I do: I write. Unfortunately, writing doesn't get you name recognition unless you're doing Def Jam Poetry stuff, which I don't do all the time. I may crank out a good poem here or there, but I couldn't do it for a living. I play the piano, too, and could probably get damn good if I tried really hard, but I don't.

Truth is, I wouldn't even want to read my own blog if I happened across it. Call this a moment of depression or call it me finally finding the truth, but honestly, who wants to read a boring blog like mine? Nobody cares about my life...they hardly care enough about their own.
I thought Blogger would be the cat's bananas because my boyfriend has one and his looked pretty cool and he has a lot of readers. Then again, I don't cater to anybody but myself in this blog so I suppose I shouldn't expect many faithful readers. My friends say I write too much...always have. No matter what I write everyone always seems too lazy to read what I have to say. I'd be willing to bet that if I had posted my latest poem 4/20 on my blog, nobody would have read it nor would they have thought it was as good as they thought it was when I said it.
At the same time, I dont want to write just to appeal. The whole point of me starting a blog in the first place is so that I could release my daily frustrations into a medium that can't fight back. I obviously have misinterpreted my own intentions.
I promised change before and we see how far THAT got. So this time I'm not promising anything. I just know that things just can't stay the same.


One Eighteen said...

I read your blog [ sad face ]


Demiera said...

lol i know YOU do but not many other people do and definitely not as much as you