You Don't Mess With the Zohan...and you might not wanna mess with the movie, either

I'd been meaning to blog about this before but it slipped my mind. Friday I took my cousins to see You Don't Mess With the Zohan. 

I should have known that a movie about a Middle Eastern anti-terrorist turned hair dresser was going to be, at best, dumb. But I wanted to give Adam Sandler some credit because he's usually not horrible in his movies (c'mon now, Billy Madison was hilarious) so I gave it a shot. Looks like I was mistaken in many ways. 

The first mistake was taking my 10 and 7 year old cousins to see the movie. It was too raunchy even for me! That was my fault...I hadn't researched the movie enough before we went to go see it. But there was nothing good about the fact that he kept banging old ass women in the back room of the hair salon.

What's more, there was little story line, and the movie was racist as well (it was obvious no Middle Eastern people were consulted in the writing of the movie, because it was nothing but one huge stereotype). And while the stereotypes were supposed to be comical, they seemed more offensive than anything else. Plus, the ending was the typical ending, the "plot twists" were typical plot twists that Ray Charles would have seen coming, and you're left with a bad taste in your mouth and a "I can't believe I spent $8.50 on this garbage". 

Roger Ebert gave this garbage 4 stars. Four stars??!!! This movie deserves at most 2 1/2 stars, if you'd like to be generous, for the few laughs I got. Ebert...dude... Even your film compatriot Richard Roeper had enough good sense to realize this movie isn't worth the trip to the theater. And you gave it four stars? This movie is an insult to all the other stellar movies that just couldn't make it into 5 star territory and you should be ashamed of yourself for putting it there. On a scale of 1-5, 4 means "above average". Zohan was, at best, "substandard".

This movie gets a "only watch if somebody else bought the bootleg". And Adam Sandler, use a little more discretion next time you want to be in a movie that stars a Israeli guy with a very heavy accent who somehow can convince everybody that he is from AUSTRALIA who thinks its cool to seduce old ass women in the back room of hair salons.