Keep Your Orders to Yourself!

I walked into Starbucks this morning, anticipating a delicious venti caramel macchiato with an extra shot of espresso. As is usual for a location amid three trains and as many buses, it was pretty full. The barista was asking for orders all the way down the line, and even though I was fourth in line, she asked for my order. Drawing a deep breath, I had to shout venticaramelmacchiatowithanextrashotandwhippedcream across the room.

I hate having to shout things across the room, especially if I'm ordering. Can you imagine the horror of having to shout your order, say, at a pharmacy?

"I'd like a morning after pill."
"I'm here to pick up my herpes medication."
"I need a tube of Preparation H." (haaaa)

And what if I were being a wimp today and ordered a hot chocolate? Can you imagine the whispers I'd get from customers? No, when you go in Starbucks you have to be on your A-game. You can't let the business people in their suits who always seem pressed for time outdo you. Your macchiato is just as important as their lowfat vanilla chai.

*****

I was sitting on the train one day and overheard a woman talking with her friend. They somehow breached the subject of Starbucks coffee, and I perked my ears.

Voulez vouz coucher avec moi?

It became obvious after just a few moments which was the "once every two weeks" Starbucker and which was the "I might as well own this place" person. She even had her very own "foreign order", which is what I've dubbed those orders spoken so fast the barista would think you weren't even speaking in English. There was less coffee ordering in her string of syllables, however, than there was in size specification, milk specification, and whether or not to have whipped cream or sugar. She couldn't even take whole milk or 2%; she had to ask for yucky skim. Eeeeyuck. You might as well have just asked for water.

But then again, "water" just doesn't sound as spectacular.

My Thoughts